Slow Metamorphosis

Rejection SUCKS!
Let me tell you why. I had jury duty today. GRAND JURY...OOOOHHHH. The last time I had to go in, I went there told them with all the attitude I could muster, I can't do this. I don't get paid that many days and that to me would be a financial hardship so count me out. Please try to imagine the neck rolling, hands on the hips, lips curled up and the eye rolling cuz a sista was doing ALL of that OK! Six months later I had another letter in my mailbox. This time I had to call every day for a week to check to see if my number was being called. The first day I called, the second, third and fourth days...I forgot... but the beauty of the internet, I found the numbers they did call and I wasn't one of them. But of course six months later and I have another BLASTED summons in the mail, Grand Jury again. What is up with that??? So a week after I get the summons...I take to my bed with the wickedest case of the flu and then I have some serious stomach troubles which I won't get into. I'm out of work for a week....and then we have a day off and then before I know it this Grand Jury thing is peeking its head around my weekend and I gotta go. I don't want to do it, because I have work to do. I feel guilty being out sick because we are under a deadline and then to be out again for this...its NONsense!
Anyway, after discussing it with L ( who is the love of my life by the way... I will introduce him later on) I realize, its best to just do it and get it over with. Go in, Tell them I'm ready to do it, be stank so they will cut me and then go home with my paper saying that I'm exempt for the next four years or whatever. Boy was I in for a rude awakening.
I go in this morning...LATE. Traffic was OUT of control. Who knew all these New Yorkers owned cars. Finally, my dad drops me off and I stand on line to go through the metal detectors. I get there and the lady informs me, I have to get rid of my Starbucks coffee because it's in a glass bottle. So I gather all my belongings, go outside where I proceed to try and drink it all cuz I'm NOT throwing this stuff away. I paid too much for it...(although it might have been on sale :-) ).
Anywho, I hustle back to the front of the line cuz I'm not waiting on that line again and go through the metal detectors. I see the guard with my cell phone in her hand and she tells me " Oh you can't bring this phone in with you because it's a camera phone. We have to hold it". Who am I to argue...take it...whatever. I get back on another line...we wait.. They shuffle us forward...we wait some more. Why didn't I wear flats like my cousin told me? Oh I remember trying to be cute....CHEEEEPS! (kissing my teeth).
Anywho, they finally come out and they tell us, that this Grand Jury thing is another bag, it's not like a regular kinda thing. You have to serve for 20 DAYS!!!!! WHAT??? I'm like what the heck but I figure they still gotta go through a selection process, at which point I will be difficult and they will send me home. So I proceed into the court room where they call every row up and talk to each individual person. So again, we wait and wait and wait some more. Then the officer comes back and tells us the spiel about the 20 day service and to call our jobs to make sure they will pay us. So I head out and call to speak to HR. They tell me they only pay for 5 days. Hmmm. What a dilemna...but I figure...I need to just do this and get it over with, otherwise they will be sending me a summons every 6 months. I go back into the room and the officer tells me: "Well we have selected all the people we need at this time. You can go home. My service isn't needed." I really wanted to kick him. After all that they dont even pick me.?!?!??! So now I'm at the mercy of the court so to speak because I will be called AGAIN!. And Since I already have one postponement I can't NOT go. UGH. I start my trek home.
A few buildings down, on my way to the train station I see a sign for Blood Bank. So I think what the heck, at least my trip out here wouldn't have been for nothing. I walk in, go through the metal detectors AGAIN! fill out the essential forms and sit with the lady who explains everything. This should be easy. Give blood, help some people and get a snack. Ya can't beat it. Everything is ok until they test my blood to make sure my iron is up to par to donate. And that's when things go awry. My mind flashes back to college when it took FOREVER for my blood to ooze into the baggies. In fact many a time they have only filled a lil over half a bag because my blood was taking too long. And I was already feeling my shakes coming on, so I had a niggling feeling...And my feeling was confirmed. She had to test my blood twice. She said my iron was too low. " but you can come back in a few weeks." WHAT??? Your sending me home? No blood, No jury duty, I have been rejected twice in one day...I mean how many blows can my ego take? lol. She offered me a snack anyway, a pity snack. I have my pride darn it and a Kelloggs breakfast bar in my bag I'm not taking no ones pity snack and I again start my trek home. Slightly dejected, but my Kelloggs bar made me feel better. :-(
Rejection is a motha!

I have a bookclub, its called Eclectic Infusion Book Club. We read everything and anything and this month our selection was called Middlesex. The book began in Greece/Turkey so we went to a Mediterranean Restaurant in Manhattan. We had a good turnout...considering. I used to think that everyone was excited about reading, and that it would be FUN to meet up and discuss what we have read. But I'm realizing that as people get older, they don't want to read, or maybe its just the people I know. lol.
Anywho we had a good turnout. Three people who had said they would come, didn't so that left 6 people. Which to me is EXCELLENT! As long as it's not me by myself. But we sat we ate different types of Greek food and it was YUM. The restaurant wasnt as snazzy as I would have liked but the food was very good and it wasn't crazy busy either. We sat in the back and tried different samplers. Stuff I can't spell or pronounce but tasted great. They favor ALOT of spinach,
So now I'm on the hunt to get more men into our meetings. WE NEED MORE MEN! What is up with men, do they not read. I mean what do they do....? sit around and scratch all day, play video games. UGH! But to be fair we do have one male...our only male who comes every meeting since the beginning. SEAN! Your the bestest. You a different kinda man. I'm gonna send you this link so you can read my blog. lol. But Sean is the greatest. He has such a wonderful spirit and I'm just so glad to know him. Ok I'm done. LOL

I woke up this morning feeling like UGH. I don't think I really want to get out of this bed. But since I thought I was going to get inducted in for my new position, I forced myself out of bed. My new position....I think my parents did it to get me in church every week. They nominated me for a postion....2 actually. One being as an "accountant" of sorts in the Treasury Department, and my mother thought she would be slick and nominate me to work in her Sabbath School class as a teacher. The first position, I accepted. I mean it requires dedication, but at times I do feel like I need to devote more of my life in service to God, so I accepted it. The second position.... NO!. I politely told the man who informed me. I Decline. My mother thinks she is slick. Nominating me for a position like that would require me to be at the church at 9:30! I have difficulty getting up for 10 am. I mean jeez, sometimes I'm rolling into church at 12, just in time for the sermon. There is no way! So with my new position, I'm really excited! This department needs to be whipped into shape for real. Their accounting skills are NOT up to par so now I feel like I need to go in there and take ovah!. You know how I do. Anyway they postponed the dedication for the position until next week I believe so I will start next week. :-) I will keep you informed. This should be interesting.
Needless to say because I'm slightly tardy...ok late for church. I miss out on the back pew. And since we roll in packs, there were four of us, and there weren't any seats for four people anywhere but...you guessed it...right in the front. The second row to be exact. But due to our serial lateness we are used to this by now. The Bible worker Mrs. Pear seats in the second row, and as we stream in, with me leading the way, she peers over the top of her glasses which are perched on the tip of her nose with a look that reads...Your late. We take our seats and I can feel her next to me looking me up and down, and when I turn she is, looking with reckless abandon, not even trying to pretend she was looking at something else. LOL.
But I'm not there for her. I'm there for the message. But I do have to say on a side note that that would scare me if I wasn't used to it. But had I judged her I wouldnt have known there was a sweet lady under the dragan facade. She was actually giggling through some of the sermon and she handed me paper to take notes during the sermon, and something I was expecting...she asked me if I had been baptized. lol. Needless, to say the sermon was Excellent. I came out feeling fresh, unburdened, light and happy; ready to start my new week with a smile on my face and hope for the days to come. It's funny how church can do that to you. What is it about church that calms a raging spirit?

Happy Sabbath

Why does it seem that people who are blessed with wealth do the dumbest things? Case in point. Mr. Irv Gotti. WHY is it that you have a company where you make all this money and your being linked to money laundering and even murder? Even if it's something as far as murder the silly activities of idle hands seems to be manifesting itself all over the place. And it seems to be affecting everybody with money. Singers, rappers, business men...even Paris Hilton --and her sex tapes fiasco.

If someone gave me money to sing, I would grab a microphone and hop my happy ass on stage do my song and dance, collect my money and take my ass home. I think that once the grind of accomplishing your life long goal has been done, I think they lose their minds. They get greedy and silly. And riding on the high of their success....they do some silly shit.

The other night I was listening to the news and I overheard a story about HOT 97's Miss Jones Morning Show in NYC. Apparently, there was a comedic spoof done about the tsunami and the victims. Searching high and low I tried to find the lyrics but alas they have been removed, but I did manage to get some choice sections for ya:

..All at once you could hear the screaming ch*nks and no one was safe from the wave there were africans drowning, little chinamen swept away you could hear god laughing, "swim you b*tches swim"
So now you're screwed, it's the Tsunami you better run or kiss your ass away, go find your mommyI just saw her float by, a tree went through her head and now the children will be sold to child slavery...

Alright I'm totally appalled that they would even do some nonsense like that. They have been doing spoofs for the past few months. Every day it seemed like they were cracking jokes and making ridiculous statements about anything and anyone they possible could. It's not acceptable...it's wrong on so many levels but as Americans they are entitled to their freedom of speech. But alas due to the pressure of a few tv stations and some calls to the right people the staff of the Miss Jones morning show was suspended indefinately.

It seems like every website and every station is sponsoring some sort of program aimed towards raising money to aid the tsunami fund. And as usual, I am so amazed at how people can come together in time of crisis...especially when under normal conditions the people we are busting our ass to assist aren't even on our minds. The U.S. originally planned to donate a certain amount of money to the tsunami fund, However with increasing pressure the amount rose and rose. The list of countries that were affected by the tsunami is extensive and the death tolls are mortifying to say the least. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/4126019.stm
I am very happy that the U.S. has managed to come together and show some humanitarism efforts. I would be happier if the amount of effort given didn't seem to be so politically based. Good ole girl Condeleeza Rice said it so clearly when she stated "The tsunami was a wonderful opportunity for us.". Hmmm. The level of concern in my opionion is highly misplaced. Let me explain...

This past week half of the commuters in NYC were affected by an outage in the MTA train system. Why? A homeless man trying to avoid the frigid cold weather started a fire to stay warm and set a major component of the train switchers on fire. This knocked out service on several lines. The C train is gone indefinately much like Miss Jones and her morning show and the A is cramped with the influx of people from the C train, and the domino effect is staggering. A few blocks from my job there is a homeless Asian man who sits in approximately the same area all the time. He pads himself with discarded newspapers and insulates it with plastic bags. But unfortunately he isn't the only one. I see homeless people EVERYWHERE I go. The point is taking care of the people who live in the U.S. seems to be the last thing on the agenda sometimes and its so sad. More than homelessness, the educational system is crumbling, we are beyond concerned about terrorism and the war in Iraq...I could go on and on but I won't. I just wish that instead of working from a political standpoint we would focus on some of the things that are happening in this country and try to fix it. I had this discussion with a friend of mine once and he told me that adopting a policy of isolationism would be suicide. The way I see it we are already slowly killing ourself.

In the grand scheme of things Miss Jones and her silly show seems so stupid and trivial. There are so many other things to be concerned with. And I think that if we paid more attention to what was going on here in this country...things wouldnt be so damn dismal.
But thats only my humble opinion

Who would have thought that I would need to employ tactical methods to maneuver walking from one side of the street to the next? Because it's not as simple these days as walking...oh no! You have to plot and plan your route...avoiding huge puddles of cold, black slush. And if that wasn't bad enough you have to be aware of the sniper attacks... you know drivers who go speeding down the street, assaulting you with pellets of slush that fly all over the place...normally hurtling its way towards pedestrians trying to find a dry place to stand. And just when you think the puddle isn't that deep and maybe it would be best to just tip toe through it...as soon as you place your foot in it...you realize...ahh I was wrong. It is deep. And now I have to commute oh about an hour and half home with snow water in my boots...which by the way are supposed to waterproof, but who's checking. UGH.

Anywho...I went back to the gym today. Why was I nervous? I had butterflies...felt like the first day of school all over again. Maybe I thought everyone would call me out for the slacker I have been for the past 3 weeks. Alas! I slipped in undetected. Until I was on the elliptical machine and my trainer says to me oh Nikay you look like you've really been packing on those pounds. OOOOOOOOOOOOO. I know he was joking ( I hope he was joking) but WHO says that??? And to a woman no less...doesn't he know the traumatic effects this will have on me? It will make me overeat....hahahha...I don't need an excuse for that, but that is a perfect one. So if you see me with any comfort foods in my hand...I give you permission to stop me by ANY MEANS NECESSARY. LOL.
But anyway, I got through my lil routine and I feel better for the wear. Although, I know that I can't make that judgmental call for two days. See that's when the pain kicks in. But I really do think I will be ok, at least I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I'm in a talkative mood today so I shall continue while I'm HOT! I keep hearing people talking about how SpongeBob is gay. Well now! He is decidedly happy, I mean just out of control cheerful all the damn time. What kind of lesson is this teaching our kids...let people like Squidworth stomp all over you, as long as you keep your cheerful demeanor things will work in your favor? Yeah ok. And in case your wondering. YES I do watch Spongebob dammit! So the hell what. But I have to say...after seeing the movie ( I was accompanied by a child :-) ), I was a little annoyed to say the least. Why? because FREAKING Patrick...who is dumber than rocks appeared not once but like 3 times with fishnets and highheels. I don't know WHY they would do that. I was totally turned off from SpongeBob just from that fact alone. I wouldn't want to carry my son to see the movie and have him thinking that wearing high heels and fishnets is appropiate. Traumatize our children why don't you! Isn't enough that I watched Two Wong Fu Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar....? I Still have nightmares about muscular ass Patrick Swayze and his stockinged hocks and UGLY ass Wesley Snipes (EWWWWWWWWWWW). When will the suffering end??? So needless to say...Spongebob joins the ranks of movies that I think were geared towards the adults attending the movies with the kids. They are unsuccessful in trying to subliminally impart content that would be entertaining to both kids and their parents. Anyway...I'm getting long winded I'm signing out....


BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Snow is among many things magical...It can be breathtaking and a it can be pain in the ass. Like many things in life it has a certain duality to it. It can be both good and bad. Like for instance, this morning my dad was drove my mom and I to the train station. On the way there we saw a little boy no older than 11, diving into a snow bank. It was such a silly thing to be doing, but he was so happy. He jumped up and dived in again, grabbing handfuls of snow and tossing it into the air. His jeans....wet. But from the looks of it, the enjoyment of it far surpassed any worries about getting sick, or even getting to school on time. LOL. But less than a minute before that, we also saw a older gentleman shoveling his car out from under piles of snow. He had been blocked in by the snowplows that while cleaning the streets managed to build a total wall around his vehicle. He was NOT Happy! He was Pissed off to the highest pissitivity...and I don't blame him.

Now I do have a point...work with me here I'm coming to it.

I was on the bus coming home from another day on the job. I sat across from a young couple, they had to be high schoolers, young and in love. Just plain disgusting..ok I'm hating. It was so sweet. They were holding hands, whispering to each other, laughing and giggling. Young Love. Simple Love. I can ALMOST remember those days. I had me a lil' young love myself back in the day. Won't get into all the sordid details but when I look back now, it was so simple, uncomplicated....why cant things be like that now?

Shortly after seeing these two, I encountered another couple. They were standing on the street YELLING and SCREAMING in each other's faces. WHY? Only the two of them know for sure, but sometimes that love that is so simple and so uncomplicated can become so complex and angry. He was hollering...so was she then she started to cry and you know I felt her pain. Been there, Done that sooo many times.

Love is another one of those things that have a kind of duality. It just seems like for some reason the things that feel sooo good, can hurt soooo bad. I wonder though sometimes...Is it truly better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Or should I drop the negro before it gets complicated? You tell me....

Well.... I can't even begin to tell you how long I have been meaning to do this. But At LAST I have arrived!!

(applause) Awww cut that out....ok maybe a few seconds longer...

Now i have some questions....Do I have to do spell check on this thing? Because (UGH) I don't really want to.... I just wanna type away. Who am I kidding I may only last a few days with this thing. I get so easily distracted.

Actually, no I will really really (10x's) try to keep up with this thing. I think it will good for me getting my emotions out and sharing it with my half crazed friends and people I dont know, because I am SOOO sure that half the things I think and feel other people think and feel them too. At least Im hoping thats the case, cuz otherwise I'm screwed. I have embarked on a change this year....and I am willing to share. This is my Slow Metamorphosis. I hope that when I look back I will see a change for the better, I hope to share my change..and if I fall flat on my face, please pick me up, dust me of and help me start all over again. This is the start of a beautiful friendship. I hope your willing to ride with me on th