Slow Metamorphosis

This morning I was watching the news and I heard the Jamie Fox won the Oscars - that made me hop out of bed. How wonderful is that? I love it! That amped me up for the day

I was at work today and it was snowing like crazy. They are saying that we are supposed to get anywhere from 7-10 inches of snow between today and tomorrow. Today is just one of those days where you just want to crawl up under covers and just flip through tv channels and eat fattening foods. Its a slow day. I brought a healthy lunch today from home. Salmon with a salad and I ordered some greasy concoction instead. I kept glancing out the window and rushing the day along, I couldn't wait to go home. Ro wanted me to meet her on 35th street (I'm in NYC) but I just wanted to go straight home. I want to clean and cook and all that but I know I probably wont, but I can at least have a plan to do it, even if I wont. At 5 I was damn near FLYING out the door. Its not a good day, its snowing, its cold, its Monday...tomorrow will be better.


I am watching Oprah now and they have the Oscar winners on and I saw Jamie Fox's acceptance speech...ok tiny tears. Wow I loved what he said. He said Even tho his mom has passed he still speaks to her in her dream. And he can't wait to go to sleep tonight because he has so much to talk to her about. AWWWW. How freaking sweet was that. And I am SOOO hating on Hillary Swank and that FABULOUS dress she had on. She looked amazing, her body is like the bomb with her perky ass breasts. Bitch! lol She is pretty impressive to me as well. She said she is just a girl from the trailor park. These people....they are just drawing tears tonight.

Alright so the bookclub meeting was GREAT! I can't even begin to tell you how happy I was about this particular meeting. We had two new members which was HUGE. And I'm so happy they came, especially Ro's friend D, because she had some great things to say, she kept the convo going. I think she was such a breath...great spirit. The book we read was called "He's Just Not That Into You" and it was something that needed to be put into print. Some people need to read and be like you know what, that is true. This man is NO GOOD and just leave his punk behind alone.
But I'm always so happy when a meeting goes well and this one made me very happy inside. I love getting people together to just talk and talk away. I'm thinking about starting a bookclub at my church. Mothers and Daughters. But I don't know yet. We shall see.

I am so HOT! actually Tired should be the word of choice. Do you know that after I went to bed at like 3:30 my mom calls to wake me up at 7:30 in the morning? Ok WHY? It's sunday...I wanna sleep.... Well apparently my brothers eye is red and swollen and he needs to be taken to the doctor. So I drag myself out of bed and go to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, pull on a crocheted cap over my doo rag...cuz I aint taken it off. And pull on some clothes. I go out to warm up the car and do you know this chile aint ready... What the hell...can we leave already? Then my dad wants me to come back inside, climb the stupid stairs so he can give my directions. Which turn out to be the WRONG directions, because I end up farther than where I'm supposed to be. Anyway, I was just so irritated. I wanted my Sunday sleep in. I was looking forward to it, but alas, after I came home I ate some waffles, took my clothes off and crawled right back into bed, because I have to be in the city (Manhattan) by about 2:30 for my book club meeting and I cant go while I feel like poop on a stick.

Saturday, I stayed home and laid up in the bed all morning. I really was NOT feeling going to church. I had a stupid stomachache. It's more than really. It feels like moss is growing in my stomach and other times I feel like acid is just churning in my stomach. Its nasty I know but oh well. I keep having wierd dreams too which freak me out. I jump out of bed sometimes because of them. More often I dont remember them, but the ones I do remember its like What the Hell was that about. I wish I could interpret them.
Here is one that I do remember. I was pregnant with L's baby, and I was flipping out because that's one of my no-no's. No baby until I'm married, and I don't really believe in abortion, so that wasn't really an option for me. So I told him and I know he isnt ready for any kids right now so in the dream he was spazzing out on me. He was all stressed out. We were just butting heads and arguing constantly. But he agreed to marry me which he did, so I am standing in front of the minister dressed all in white (funny considering I'm pregnant) and all of a sudden I feel a gushing and there is obscene amount of blood oozing down my legs. So that was it, I HOPPED out of bed! I was so messed up over this dream. I mean what the hell was that about?
Anyway, I talked to my cousin AC about it. I know that when you dream about being pregnant its rarely about that. So we came up with the fact that pregnancy can be a link to creativity and giving birth to new ideas, which now that I think about it, is probably true. Since lately, all these new ideas have been flooding into my head. I want to start up some programs with my church. Im not really amped about it because when I wanted to start the crocheting program they didnt bite, or rather they bit too late and by that point I was discouraged. Then I have some other creative juices flowing around in my head. So alas that might be what the dream was about. Or at least I HOPE SO!
After lounging in bed for most of the morning and writhing around in pain, I decided to get up and make something to eat. So I did that and made some peppermint tea and gabbed on the phone with Ro for a while. Then my entire fam came home from church. Normally, we all eat lunch together, big spread every week - but that day my mom invited someone home from church and I was really feeling anti-social, so I locked myself in my room. Apparently, they hate when I do that, but sometimes I really get anti-social. I don't want to talk, I just want to vegetate and I get irritated when people try to force me to talk or laugh. Like leave me alone. My mojo is low!
I stayed in my room the entire time and then my mom came to talk to me, then my sister and my cousin and her 2 daughters came, my sister brought the dog down and her boyfriend came over. Needless to say I was annoyed. I wanted to be alone. But at that point it didnt even matter because L was coming over because it was our date night, so I had to get out of the bed and get beautiful anyway. I had to go lock myself in the bathroom since there was like half a dozen people in my room and all, so I got showered and I was stepping into the shower I heard L saying his greetings to everyone so I knew he was there.
Anyway, after he came, everyone slowly started disappearing and he and I spent some precious couple time together. Then we went to dinner, where he chowed down on the usual lobster and shrimp...YUCK. And I had some sushi. YUM. Then we went to see Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Let's just say Les, you were right. I laughed, I cryed, I hooped and hollered, I clapped, I "OH NO THIS NEGRO DIDN't and I shouted Amen and Hallelujah. It was good. Even L thought it was good. Well at least thats the summary I am making, because in the history of us going to the movies, this is one of the few movies where he actually stayed awake for the WHOLE thing. Which is amazing for him let me tell u. The movie also made me very sentimental, and so afterwards while we were driving home we discussed it. L said that alot of it was unrealistic and you know I'm a dreamer so I believe all things are possible. Anyway it prompted one of thos convos that ended up bringing our relationship into scrutiny. And at the end of the day, I know that I made the right choice when it came to him. I know that he loves me and that he will always be good to me. And I in turn will always treat him like the King he is. Ahh it was a good night. I got out his car at 3am and went in with all the intentions of sleeping in late sunday morning.

When I was growing up I was in awe and afraid of my mom. When I was young, she left my sister and me in the care of my grandmother to come to the U.S. to set up shop. She got a job, she worked, and got her own apartment and then her and my dad came back for us. I remember that day so vividly it’s actually kinda scary, since my memory is always suspect. But she was wearing this really fabulous dress and she looked so young and fresh, she looked radiant and I was scared and intrigued by her. I had spent the time she was away running around like a crazy reckless child and so while she tried to talk to me, I hid behind my grandmother’s skirt. When we moved with her to NYC, she was the one who I came home to every day in tears, because the children in my Junior High School were making fun of my accent (this was before being Jamaican was trendy) and of my gray hair. I cried for months that I wanted to go back and she was the one who told me they were stupid and if they didn’t take the time to get to know me then forget them they weren’t worth my tears. As I got older, I was scared to death of her and her rules about what I should and shouldn’t be doing and I did mostly everything to make her proud of me. But now since I’m back from college and living with her, our relationship has sort of evolved. We are actually friends. We have a really close relationship. I tell her almost everything and she calls me at work where we sometimes giggle on the phone like schoolgirls talking about all the crazy people in our family. As I get older, I understand her more and I’m actually a lot more like her than I would ever care to admit, but it’s obvious where I get my the majority of my personality from. Needless, to say she is one of my family members who I’m glad I got pegged with. J I mean the fact is you can NOT pick your family, but if I could pick my mother I would pick her to be my mom every time.

I hurt dammit! This week I really got back on my diet and excersise plan and this morning I woke up and my body was screaming at me in every language. I hurt. I cant put my arms down all the way and I feel like I’d waddling. Who ever said looking good was easy was a liar! But alas the work must continue in order to see results, cuz a sista like me aint about starving herself AT ALL!

Yesterday though, I actually felt like someone who was doing it up. I hit the elliptical machine and did some weights, I was walking around like Arnold. Shoot I need to just continue what I’m doing if I plan to see any more changes. I got like 36 more pounds to go..hmmm well we will see. Let the working out continue. I know some of you reading this are currently stuck in that OH I will go tomorrow, I know cuz you told me, and I know its hard as hell to get back into it, but it's so worth it. Remember spring is a coming and you wanna be a hot lil sexy mama when you get to take off all your layers of bulky clothing right? RIGHT

You already know im a tv-Nista (as wendy likes to say) so today I am going to have to comment on distasteful programming at it's finest. TLC is doing a show on UPN called R U the Girl? Now am I too understand that they are trying to replace the L in TLC and I am wrong by saying that makes them LOSERS?
For all who don't know, now they know...apparently Left Eye was the glue that held that group together, she was also the talent. You could always tell she was more creative, she always seemed so out in left field, but who wouldda thunk it, without her the group would dry up.
Everybody wants to be in the business, and they have been known for staying out the game for awhile and then they blew back on the scene with that song "Scrubs" which was my anthem. That album brought them back, but with Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopez's unfortunate death in Honduras, I assumed the group would be no more. If not for nothing but sheer decency. How can you revive a group whose name was based on three people? And even if you still called yourself TLC but just carried on without her, the world would accept that, sing on...keep her memory alive. BUT to have a reality show? and to still call the group TLC? and replace the L with some other random player? NAH that is SOOO not cool and I'm not feeling it at all.
To me that is just plain SLACKNESS for real.
Let it go ladies....Let it go.....

Americas Next Top Model Ladies and Gent!!!!
YAHOOO!
Perhaps there is a problem with being so darn excited about a tv show, but you know what I'm so excited and I just cant hide it, I'm about to lose control and I think I like it. lol
I love me some tv and I have a few shows that I really enjoy. One of them being America's Next Top Model, but don't you heiffers act like I'm the only one! I sit at home and being the critic that I am, I look at everything, I notice everything and I see it all! I make my judgement calls about who is to get cut and normally I am right. But the next day, I hear a slew of people commenting about the previous nights show and I know I'm not alone. I was all in the mix like I lived in the house, be cussing at the tv when the wrong person got sent home and all teary when one of my favorites had drama in the house and they was bawling. LOL I know I need to get a grip!

The girls from the last Season I think were my favorites. I loved my homegirl Tocarra, she is going to be on an episode of "All of Us" and miss thang is now the spokeswoman for Ashley Stewart ---> http://www.ashleystewart.com/AS/home/home-longstriped.html

Also, Miss Eva the Diva was on Kevin Hill with Taye Diggs and she had a scene up close and personal in the bed with Mr Digs...meow :-) and Yaya was on Eve.

Needless to say, Cycle 4 is on its way next week, and a sistah cant wait. I think I have my winner already. But I will have to see how her first pictures come out to be totally sure, but I will place all bets after the second show. :-)
WOOOHOOO!

Thank God for days off. LOL. But why does it always seem like the days you have off are the ones where you end up doing more work than if you would have went to work? Anyway, at least I could sleep late, that's always a beautiful thing.
Today, as I was running errands, I heard on a radio station a commercial for a show they were going to doing. The contents of the show talked about hip hop and rap music and the miscegenation of women in these videos. As I hollered AMEN! at least someone is talking about this, my sister says "rap videos aren't the only ones who have dancers"
I'm gonna say that the idea went over her head. Its not about dancers, half these women aint even dancing. They are standing there gyrating to the beat in a bathing suit and high heels. What is that about? I mean the song doesn't have anything to do with the club or half naked girls in high heels. It could be a gritty greasy song and still there has got to be one booty girl shaking it. It's disgusting to me, it sends a negative image to the little girls who watch these videos and think this behavior is acceptable and expected of them. They have to be a size 2 with long wavy "Indian" hair, huge boobies, small waists and fat asses in order to be considered beautiful. I'm so sorry but that's part of the reason why our young girls are so jacked up.
On BET today they had a tribute to Michael Jackson and all his videos and I was like damn, its been a long time since I seen a video that actually went along with the song. A video where the person is using their imagination to suck you in. This man did mini movies to coincide with his songs and they were events. I know I was glued to the screen back in junior high when his "Black and White" and "Remember the Times" videos debut. I was amped and I still am when I see them. I think now, we are just so desensitized to the episodes of exploitation we see on a regular basis. It's sad.
Perhaps I'm being too hard on rap videos, but are there any other genres of music who show a blatant disrespect to women like those in the music videos? Please, my sister couldn't give me an example...If you can think of one, let a sista know.

Well finally, my friend MH and I met up in Central Park to see The Gates exhibit..Ya see them behind me? LOL. The weather was beautiful and it was an all around wonderful Sunday. The turnout was immense. So many people from all over came just to see the "exhibit". I don't know if I can say what I really think about The Gates, but I respect the attempt to bring unorthodox "art" and sharing it with the masses. I respect it because it's free for all and no one is slighted by the unavailibilty of it. It took alot of work to complete, there are thousands of those gates all over the park and it's amazing to see how much effort they put into something they aren't getting monetary benefits from, well not on a per head count basis at least. LOL. I took Don with me, I figured he would like to get out and be in the park. I let him walk a little, but when it got to be too crowded I put him right back in my bag....do you see him poking his little head out.
All in all it was a pretty eventful day, compared to what I normally do on Sundays. I can't wait till it's warmer out, I will take Don to Central Park more often. Awww.


The Gates in Central Park

So last week I told you I had to cancel my plans with a friend because my hairdresser time ran over. So I was all happy with my new cut and color. It was new and different and as usual only lasts for a little while before it starts to irritate me. Here's what it looks like.....


Initially, I was happy but today at work I noticed a lil pimple. And since I haven't had one of those suckers in a while I naturally attribute it to the fact that I got all this hair in my face. And you know how oily it can get with all the "products". Needless to say, I cant have pimples....I've come too far for that. So something needs to be done. I don't know what, but I will figure it out. I'm out................!

As many of you know I have a delightful terror called Don living in my house. He is our family pet, a yorkie with a lot of energy and pep. Love him to death, but he can be a pain in my rear end. I just wanted to share some new pictures of him with you for all those who haven't seen him in a while. Enjoy!


Don

Don 

As a commuter in NYC, you see a lot of things. You see the good, the bad and the hilarious. Lets see if I can recount some of the interesting happenings. I have seen hip hop break dancers – there are 3 of them… they do these silly dances flopping on the floor of the train while their boom box is blasting. The normally have once young child that they THROW up into the ceiling and that kid uses his hand to hit the ceiling, so you kinda feel like ahh damn he bust his head open all for my amusement. Let me drop a dollar in the hat – that EVERYBODY knows will eventually be passed around. I have seen a magic show; complete with some damn funky draws he pretended came off this Asian woman sitting across from me. Needless to say when the hat came around, she didn’t find the whole thing clever or funny enough to drop her George Washington inside. Then there are the entertainers who bring their instruments of choice…saxophones, flutes, pianos, and their own voices. There was also a comedian…Now he was funny, but he didn’t pass a hat around, apparently he was doing it for the fun of it – Perish the thought!
The thing about these underground performers is after a while u get immune to seeing or being entertained by them. If you’re a native your rather annoyed. Shoot they wake you up from your slumber, they crowd your space and who wants a little kid doodling on his belly by your foot.
Now aside from those who do tricks for the paper, there are those who just beg. Now I am split on the way I feel about this. First, there are the institutional beggars. The one who CLAIM they come from an organization who is collecting money to feed the homeless. I’m sorry but I DON’t buy it. The reason being is there have been signs posted all over the trains saying that soliciting donations on the train is ILLEGAL. So why would a legitimate business be conducting illegal actions on the train? Then they got these dingy ole bags, they say have food in it, and if your hungry they will feed you. I see the most unhealthy foods in those bags, but I suppose if I was homeless, I wouldn’t much care, but STILL. I have NEVER seen one of them actually give someone on the train this food, so until then I’m not moved. Then there are the free for all beggers, they give their speeches in English, Spanish, and/or French. They speak of their family and their children, they limp, they sneeze, they threaten you by standing over you UNTIL you drop some money in their bucket. I will give, if I have, but the truth is, JUST because you are on the train going to work doesn’t mean that you even have it to give. And that’s the TRUTH. Sometimes I feel like whipping out my own bucket and passing it around ma damnself, but that’s another story. I have adopted a method. I look at them. I’m usually a good judge of character. But more than that a person who is so hard up will not be rocking a PHAT Avirex jacket, new Timbs or Uptowns, or just looking like someone I would kick it to because they are looking rather sharp. Perhaps this logic is faulty? Perhaps, I shouldn’t judge the state of their life without knowing the deal first. Perhaps this makes me a jaded New Yorker.

What do you think?

So Sunday, my friend MH and I are supposed to be going to see The Gates exhibit that we didn't get to see this past sunday because of my long stint at the hairdresser.

But at this rate, there will be no Gates left for us to see.

The gates exhibit was done by a couple, it includes tall gate like structures with saffron drapings. It covers a large part of Central Park and apparently it's a sight to behold. Well on the opening night of the event they handed out swatches of the colorful material as souvenirs. This is where the madness begins.

I was listening to the radio yesterday and apparently people were selling the swatches on EBay. lol. Now I'm a crazy Ebayer like the rest of the world but this is insanity. But now people are actually CUTTING pieces of the material to sell on Ebay. In addition, people are "tagging" (putting graffiti) on the metal structures, granted it can be wiped off because they put a coating on it for just that purpose. But COME ON! That's why people keep beautiful things to themselves, forget sharing because people DO NOT know how to act! The couple actually wasn't too upset about it from what I gather, which is good, because a sistah like me would have been waiting in the wings with a bat waiting for these no good culprits. But that's just me. lol

Anyway the plan is to go to see The Gates on Sunday, if they are in fact still in tact and complete in all it's glory. But until then, I will share with you the exhibit via the world wide web. Enjoy!

http://www.nytimes.com/ref/arts/design/GATES-REF.html?excamp=GGGNthegates

I don't do it intentionally but a sista can be corny at times. For all those who don't like it, please take your cue and exit stage right. This post is for my darling.

Lenny,

Sometimes in life we have a long laundry list of all the things we want in an individual. Sometimes we get it and sometimes we don't. You are everything I wanted and everything I didn't even know I needed. Whenever we talk, you tell me you love me and at times I feel like that word isn't enough to capture what we share. I want to tell you something you have never heard before, to go along with this love that I have never felt before. I want to sing a song that gives you goosebumps. Write a poem that brings tears to your eyes. Do for you like no one else ever has. I could give you a love letter, but the words on the page could never accurately describe the way I feel. It's not an easy thing but your love leaves me speechless, wordless, and drifting on a cloud of euphoria. I could search high and low for eternity, but nothing will ever come close to describing what lives in my heart for you. So I'm just gonna love you. I'm gonna love you hard and I'm gonna love you long, I'm gonna love you day and night, when things are wrong and when things are right. I'm gonna love you when you're broke and when you got your hundreds stacked. I'm just gonna love you like I know how.
I want to be real and say that our love aint apple pie, its not always perfect, we fuss and we fight. You get on my last nerve sometimes and I'm sure without a doubt that I get on yours. But there is nothing like a love that can be tested and come through on the other end still in tact and still strong.
More than anything, I want you to know that I respect you. You are a wonderful father, son and the best lover and friend I have known. You're responsible, driven, goal oriented, purposeful and loving. I'm glad that you took a chance on me and that I didn't allow myself to be robbed of our love affair. I don't know what this life has in store for us, but I know that if I can spend my days with you it would be a pleasure and a blessing.
I know you're not into Valentines day because you buy flowers, and you tell me you love me all the time. But I still want to use this public forum to tell you you are the greatest love I've ever known. I will always be your Valentine, if you will be mine.
I love you Mr. Goody today, tomorrow, and always.

Your lover and Your Friend
Nikay

I woke up this morning after having not so great of a night with the love of my life. And I already knew all Valentines bets were OFF. But I figured...Shoot Nikki...MAKE LOVE TO YOUR DAMSELF. It's been awhile since I could really get the chance to do the whole head to toe pampering that I love to do. Normally, I will take one body part a day and work on that. lol. But what the heck. I got up early enough, I had some strawberry waffles and some of that Fruit2O water which I've been consuming like crazy. While I ate I watched Mona Lisa Smile with Julia Roberts. I liked it. You know me and my corny but was sobbing at some of the corniest parts of the movie. I couldn't even help myself. lol
I went to the bathroom, shaved all the parts that needed to be free of hair and hopped in the shower where I scrubbed and poured all kinds of concoctions to get my sweet smell up to par. lol I got dressed and since it was rather mild weather outside I rocked my off-white coat with my pink pashmina that got that spring look popping off. Now mind you Spring aint nowhere near, but what the heck. Threw my pink sunglasses on and after hollering for my sister for 5 minutes, we finally left the house. I had to stop by the pharmacy and then we whizzed over to the hairdresser. Now let me say. I got love for my black people but no one can run a salon like some dominicans. They get you in and they get you out. You come in looking raggedy with ya hair matted to the side of your head and you come out with straight silky looks that just flys in the breeze. lol.
A sista like me figured since I'm gonna ATTEMPT going natural who cares what they do? Because as soon as this perm grows out I'm getting some braids. So I decided to get a jet black color and decided to cut it. This took longer than normal, because I had to sit under the dryer for various stages and the roller set and all that but when I was done, I felt like a new woman.
Because I took so long, I had to cancel my meeting with my girlfriend for some shopping in Soho, which I felt so bad about but Soho aint going nowhere. Maybe next weekend if its nice. I went to the yarn spot because I wanted to get some yarn but that didnt happen because what I wanted they didnt even have. UGH. I stopped got me some food then it was back home where I did my feet and snuggled up under the covers and watched "Under The Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane and that was an interesting movie as well.
I chilled. I did me. I felt good. Refreshed and before you knew it. Charmed and Desperate Houswives was on an sista was in heaven. lol.

I cover myself in silence throughout my joys and my sorrows, shrouded in the darkness of my own emotions I wait for the light of happiness. I feel deep sadness over the things I cant control, over the things I should control that I don't and all the things in between. Even if I wanted to speak and share my hurt and pain, I couldn't because my mouth won't let them be spoken. It's too deep....too intense...too much. So instead, in the solitude of my own domain my emotions manifest themselves, revealing themselves to the guardian of my sorrows. They gather in pools behind my closed lids peeking out momentarily before they slip from my eyes and down my face. Hurt, anger, disappointment, love, frustration.... they all make their journey down this path at one point or another. And once they journey begins, it continues until the last drop of feeling has poured itself out and I am free of thought or sound. And then I slip into the comforting arms of slumber to face another day.

Good Night.

For all those who know and love me, you know I got a SERIOUS problem when it comes to shoes. I know it, I admit it. BUT when I saw these shoes I HAD TO HAVE THEM! OK!
They were calling my name...Nikki....Nikki and so I heeded the call and I copped them. I will be rocking these things ASAP. Watch out NOW!

Leslie...I'll try not to hurt em but I can't make no promises, and DON'T HATE!
MUAH


HOTNESS

Curiosity

A friend of a friend took these pictures while in Africa doing missionary work, I had to share them. I'm telling you kids are the most innocent and precious creatures on this earth.
I hope you enjoy them as much as I did

Coconut

Wow...Im a slacker! It's been days since I have posted. Oops. :-)
When I was in H.S. I participated in the Peer Mediation program. This required us to go through a serious of training sessions to get the skills we needed to be able to effectively mediate dissention among our peers. The first step in this process was taking Carl Jung's personality test. Carl Jung was a psychologist who came up with a series of questions that after you finish answering them gives a pretty good measure of your personality. It's actually kinda freaky, a few questions and your entire personality is on the screen.
When I took my test in H.S. I was a ESFJ - which is described here ------> http://typelogic.com/esfj.html. I took it a few weeks ago and again a few nights ago and I got both INFJ http://typelogic.com/infj.html and and ISFJ http://typelogic.com/isfj.html . So scary, most of each of these profiles spoke to my nature. Whats wierd is the introvert extrovert thing. How did I become introverted when I was always an extrovert back in the day? I dunno know what happened. Either way its pretty interesting, take your personality test and let me know how true to form it is. Looking forward to hearing it....

http://www.personalitytest.net/cgi-bin/q.pl

Is it me or does it seem like all the "christians" wear scowls on their faces? I have noticed on my commute to work that the women with looks of doom on their face, once they are seated whip out their Bibles. Why is that? Are they searching for the joy or have they found it but are stiffling it?
I have a friend who I went to H.S. with and when I went to college she became more religious. With her you can see the change, its written all over her face (as the song goes) and when you see her you look at her and your in awe. It's kinda like well darn...can I get some of what you have because it looks great whatever it is. I think that's the way it should be.
But yet and still I see women in my church or on the train, who I know to be religious, and I'm like ugh. Does loving Jesus mean you cant put on some lip gloss or comb your hair or show physical signs of life and love? Because if that's the case I'm not making it Heaven. And I love me some Jesus so that's not really an option.
Spiritually, I want to have the light of Jesus in my face. I want people to look and be like wow there is something about her spirit. I want his presence to be present in me. And that's not an easy thing but it's my true desire.

I am watching The Real World and there are alot of things on there that have me sitting here with my mouth wide open. But for today I will focus on Koramo. He is such a FINE specimen of a black man, so damn attractive, and yet so damn gay. UGH. When they first revealed it, I was floored. He didn't look like the stereotypical gay male. I would have been fooled for sure. But here he is tonight hugging and showering with another Puerto Rican gay man....Am I the only one thats kinda hmmm I dunno. UGH

I can't believe this but I got on the bus and was welcomed in by a new alert for all passengers. Yet another fare hike! I can't believe this nonsense. They just raised the fare and now they are raising it again? Greedy Greedy Greedy. And of course it's coming out of my pocket. The people who raise the fares get free passes along with their families so you know they don't have to pay. UGH. I have to fork over 76 buckaroos just for my monthly pass. I swear for that I'm gonna ride the train all the time...and the buses for no reason. Just be one of those crazy ladies muttering to myself talking about.."when I was young..." and " I remember when the fare was a $1".
Anyway, I'm tired. I'm going to bed!

I read a story that flooded my eyes with tears, I want to share it with you all.

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay hisway through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he washungry.He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you? You don't owe me anything, she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."He said..... "Then I thank you from my heart."
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically,but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit. Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctor! s were baffled! They finally sent her to the big city,where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.

Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life.

From that day he gave special attention to her case. After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all.

Finally she looked,and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words.....
"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You,God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands."

There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?

I hope you enjoyed it as I did.

I wont normally post on Friday unless I can do so early..but I'm on lunch and I got a little time.
I have been pondering the idea of going natural AGAIN. When I was at UB during the height of Baduism, it seemed like every black girl was doing the natural..head wrap...incense burning thing. And I did too. For two reasons. Throwing on a wrap on your head is easy as cake when you don't like combing it in the first place and I kinda wanted to let my hair grow out natural so I could rock an afro. LOL. Needless to say, one day I got so frustrated with trying to pull a comb through it and not having anything to do with it BESIDES wearing the headwrap, that one day I took the Blue Bird to South Campus until I came across this little salon with a fabulous gay guy who HOOKED A SISTA UP! And I've been relaxing it ever since. Sometimes though I throw the braids in when I get lazy and then I relax it again.
Now I've been thinking I want to go natural again. I figure I'm not a broke college student anymore so I can at least afford to go and get it twisted on a regular basis and I can go and get it braided in between that. It's a thought. Perhaps I will do it. The problem with me is that I get bored so easily. I wear the braids for a few months, then I take them out and perm it, then I get sick of the perm. But I will try the natural thing again and see how it works, of course because I just permed it I have to wait at least a month before I can get it braided. But we shall see. I may change my mind tomorrow. I'm good for that.
Tell me guys...what do you think? Am I cute enough to rock a natural? lol

I have a terrible habit of hitting the snooze button in the morning, and I don't mean just once. I'm talking 3-4 times. As I hit it I say to myself....ok this is the last one, when it goes off again I will get up and get ready.
I wanna be like those ladies on T.V. who spring out of bed the second the alarm goes off. Or better yet, wake up to my bodies natural clock. The problem is my body clock is either off or all screwed up cuz for some reason I wake up early when I can sleep late and wake up late when I should be getting up early. And days like today when the result is a headache thats this BIG, and I'm just plain exhausted. Oh well it's 8:30 and I'm about to go to bed.
OH BY THE WAY!!!!. I got tickets to see Jill Scott AND I have wonderful seats.
JILLY JILLY JILLY!
Don't worry I will rub it in more when the time has come. lol.

I was looking online for a day to day devotional book to compliment my new spiritual growth regimen. I figure I can do it on the train on the way to work or if I can get myself up early enough (PFFFT) I will do it in the morning before I get ready. As is the norm, I take to Google to do a search. I found some interesting ones through my church that are geared towards women, I think I may have to go into the store and pick up a copy.

I wanted to buy a new Bible with my name engraved in it. I got one for my pastor when he first came to our church and now I want one for myself. At my church they have a book called Guide, it's geared towards the juniors and early teens. My mom teaches that class at our church so she showed me a copy that had fun and wacky Bible facts which I enjoyed entirely too much. Like there was a king, I believe his name was King Eglon who was soooooo fat and ugly and when they stabbed him the sword got stuck in his fat folds.

"Then Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into Eglon's belly; the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not draw the sword out of his belly; and the dirt came out"

Now that was an interesting story to say the least and there were more. I wanted to find a book that had these stories in them so that I can find some humor and interesting stories I could share. Again I was back on google and it's amazing what you can find. For starters I found a site that does personalized Bibles. But it wasn't really what I thought it was. Apparently, they replace your name in the Bible so that your name appears within the texts. I have an example:

Even when Nikay was dead in trespasses, God made Nikay alive together with Christ (by grace Nikay has been saved), and raised Nikay up with Him and made Nikay to sit with Him in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. (Eph. 2:5-6)

I dont know how I felt about that one. It's kinda made me scurred. And I feel like it's irreverant, I will stay away from that one. But if I thought that was irreverant, I found a site that actually took the time out to locate texts in the Bible that "promote" homosexuality. YES you read right.
http://www.bibble.org/gay/religious.html They have included a list of passages that could be considered pro-gay.....hmmm. I DUNNO about that one, but ok. I really and truly could go on and on about that but I won't. God loves all his children, he just hates the sin.

That's all Imma say on the matter. But I would love to hear what you think.... :-)

You think you know yourself until one day you realize something about yourself that makes you go damn.
Ladies and Gents. I'm a sale whore.
It's terrible. I went to the supermarket and EVERYTHING I got was on sale, but the bad part is that even if I didn't need it, if it was on sale I was getting it anyway. I figure it's on SALE! Gotta get it while the gettings good. Ya Know?
In college it was out of control and now I think it's getting worse. I would go to the mall with the intention of not buying anything but if I saw a SALE sign set outside the store, then 9 times out of 10, I would go in and come out with a purchase. Granted the purchase could be a bag for $5 bucks or this killer green suede shirt jacket that was originally $99 and I paid $19.99!.... OK sorry I'm getting excited again. And this dear reader is the problem. I can't just walk away. I can't just leave it, so I don't. It's got a place in my closet or under my bed or on my dresser or in my medicine cabinet...you get the point. And whats worse is that its a part of my regular day conversation. If someone says oh I like your shirt. I have GOT to tell them the good price I paid for it. Its sad. lol, but I'm proud of my damn purchases.
It's not just clothes though...it's other things. I buy toothpaste, deodarant, lotion and things of that nature in BULK. I stock up. Right now I have 4 bottles of lotion waiting to be used.
But you know, now that I have identified the problem, I will do better to work on it. I promise. Oh did I tell you I got contact solution on sale....$6.99. Alright Imma stop. lol
My name is Nikay and I'm a Sale Whore.