Slow Metamorphosis

I have been LIVING on nappturality.com ever since the thought of going natural entered into my mind. I mean like a fiend. I look at people's FOTKO sites to see their transitions and their albums to get inspiration, and I am inspired.
I'm not brave enough to do the Big Chop out the gate. I think it's more cuz I'm too vain. I have this thing with at least trying to be cute and I don't think I'm cute enough to be bald. I just don't got it in me. Actually, I had pondered going bald once but I said that I would do that if I lost 70 pounds, and was a skinny minnie. Then I could have a bald head and be cute....but I aint lost nowhere near 70 pounds so I will not be going bald no time soon.
I went yesterday to buy my hair. LOL. I know that sounds funny but ya know. I got my braiding hair. The Afro Kinky joint. And I can't wait.
But let me tell you why I'm mad. I've been going to this lady for years to do my braids. She works out of a shop. So why I went by yesterday to tell her I wanted to come in early sunday and the shop was closed. I mean shut down like the marshalls had been there. I'm getting nervous ya'll. I'm gonna call her cell and see whats up, cuz a sista gotta get her hair done and PRONTO

I am the proud new owner of my very first hoopty.
I know I was making fun of my dad with the whole "it's chocolate, it's lilac, it's tan" thing, but when I went to go pick up the car today, I had no clue what color I should call it.... HMMM. Maybe I'm colorblind as well.
Anywho, this who insurance thing and getting a license plate is harder than I thought. But I'm trying to work that out. The only thing is I can't take off a day to go deal with the folks at DMV...what to do...maybe I should just come into manhattan early and pick up my plates there and then zip over to work one morning. I dunno. I will figure it out.
This week is flying by for me. I'm going to a Poetry Open Mic tonight, hopefully. I'm trying to support this dudes event so he can come out and support my bookclub. We need some more literate men to give that male perspective. Apparently, that's not as easy as I thought it would be, which quite frankly is scary. But that's another story for another day

It's been a minute but I'm back
Well...there has been a lot going on with me. So let me just take it one thing at a time. I was sick AGAIN! Had a wicked cold..took Monday off of work and ended up sleeping the day away. It was pouring cats and dogs too which made sleeping feel that much better. But Tuesday when I got up, I felt SO much better so I brought my behind in to work.
My bio (biological) dad is giving me a car. It's a 92 Honda Accord...he is color blind so he done told me the color of the car, but it's been everything from chocolate to lilac to tan...so when I see this car myself I will be able to tell you the color...CUZ I can NOT go by what he is saying.
So awhile back I was telling you guys that I was thinking about going natural? Well that remains the truth for now. Well about a month ago I was so ready to just slap some perm in it cuz it was time for a touchup but I didnt. So now I'm at that point where it's like ok which way do I go. I got an email from a friend and when I opened it I was like oh HELL NO! It was of a women who relaxed her hair and one day something went wrong and all her hair burned right off. She is bald now and has to wear wigs and her scalp is severely burned. So that made me skiddish. I have perusing Nappturality.com and looking at all these women who made the transition and actually saw a girl I went to college with. I knew she was braided but I didn't realize she went totally natural. I wish I had someone to go through this with me like I did in college but I gotta do this myself. I went natural the last time for a short and then got so frustrated I ended up just saying forget it and then going back to the perm, so hopefully I can get past that point.
On a side note. I got hit by a car today. Ok well I saw that this fool wasn't paying attention and I moved out of the way and hit the hood of his car so damn hard that I think he almost had a heart attack. Good for his ass. Then his ass he was all stammering and telling me sorry...Now If I was anybody else..I would have thrown myself on the floor and hollered for all kinds of aches and pains. He worked for a cab company too. I could have owned the joint. But I was soooo mad....like there are all these little children crossing the street and your too busy star gazing, you could have ran over one of them. I was PISSED. My hand is a little swollen from where I hit the hood but I'm fine. I may have to call them up today and cuss the cab company out.
Back to my hair.....
Right now I have this half assed two ponytail thing going. It's cute on some days but I'm sickof it. I was supposed to go get my hair braided but didn't becuase I was sick up in the bed for days. And it needs to be washed SOOO badly BUT again...I was too sick and didnt want to wet my hair and then risk getting sicker. But I think I'm going to wash it tonight and just blowdry it the best I can and try to get it under control for tomorrow. If I can get to sunday then I will go and get it braided early sunday morning before my bookclub meeting. So this weekend is looking kinda busy for me.

ZILLA! You got me foaming at the mouth over here.
I happened to check your blog out today and I like reading what you have to say...the only problem is I can't leave a comment cuz err a I gotta be a member...and im not!
But I read the whole forum thing and I think that the problem between black men and women is more cyclical than anything else.
Let me 'plain....
You have a couple...man woman..and they have kids...lets say a boy and a girl. The man and the woman got their issues like most couples do, the man leaves....the woman (which happens in the majority of the cases) stays and has the kids. The woman has to work in order to take care of these kids because a-the man won't help her support the kids or b-the woman has argued so much that it has created a rift in the relationship that he can have with her and subsequently his own children. The woman is bitter she is hurt...she will get involved again but the majority of the time she isn't healed...so the relationships are a wreck. And the kids see this. The son grows up thinking. I don't want to be with a woman like my mother. Always arguing always overbearing, got too much mouth. I don't want to deal with that. So he dates women that are subservient or don't have as much neck rolling and attitude. The daughter who (in my opinion) need their dads more than anything as far as teaching by example what type of man to be in love with, may grow up jaded into believing that she needs a man to be happy because she saw the pain her mom was in. So she chases after the love and affection that she thinks lays in being in a relationship. She ends up being hurt and then turns into her mom, bitter and broken, I can take care of myself F these men out here. The majority of the time the negative aspect is perpetuated in these kids lives and they in turn teach it to their children and it becomes a cycle that can't be broken. That's my theory. At the heart of EVERY culture, family plays an incredible important role. As a child during your formative years, you learn about relationships and how they work. If you learn negative shit, thats all you know. Sometimes you can break out of that sometimes you don't.

You said:

Good brothers finish last homey. Because nowadays they don’t want that. They want the drug-dealing guy that we’ve grown up with, chromes sitting on platinum range rover. Somebody that’s gonna knock ‘em out. But I’ll spell it out for ‘em. You call a man something less than what he is, and he just may become that. If a dog doesn’t get fed, it’ll go someplace to where it’ll get what it needs. Black men are prideful, competitive, and egotistical. We need that last one massaged by the women who seem to like attacking it so much.


I disagree, all women don't want the men who are "balling" out of control. That is a generalization which gets it's roots in the few people who are actually balling out of control to say that. Personally, I know many women who only want a man who can love them like they want to be loved and take care of them. And when I say taking care of them I don't mean monetarily, I mean emotionally. "Golddiggers" are women who don't have much going for themselves BUT their looks and they use their looks to get to the heart of what a man wants. We all know that men are driven by the visual. So if big tetas and a big swollen ass is what you like then thats fine. But don't be mad if those things come with a golddigger at the heart. If a woman doesn't have a job and stays home working on her abs all day and plotting and planning how to get knocked up so she can keep you and your phat bank account, the fact is that most brothas DO NOT see the obvious till it's too late. Men are too caught up in the physical. And the women who want more than that get the short end of the stick, and in that respect Good Girls Finish Last, I think. Sometimes if men took the time to look beyond the physical and not the fat ass then they would be ok. As for women, I think that alot of times as black women we feel like we gotta do for ourselves (if we aint digging somebody elses pockets) and that means we aren't taking any bullshit from anyone. We come off rough and tough but the majority of us are so far from that. And sometimes its seems like men have to deal with the hurt and drama in our past relationships even if the issues are directly theirs and thats not fair. Black women especially got slick ass mouths, I know I have been known to have a slick comment. But that was out of hurt and frustration. It's carrying the past into the present, being a bag lady. We all know the song learn meaning. Women need to learn how to be women. And I'm not saying be a door mat but sometimes I see women and I'm like what you need a man for? We know ya'll got egos so I'm not gonna cut you down, but women hide hurt by protraying a tough exterior. Sometimes, i fyou want to get to the softness underneath you have to knock down that wall first. Women have to learn to do the best you can to empower and not to feed your man negativity. I believe that in each couple people have to play their positions, but that comes from a mutual respect and love and desire to work, change and transform. We have to shed the past to make the future brighter. Otherwise our worlds are going to be a MESS!.

Oh By the way. For the people who watch American Idol
WHY OH WHY Do people keep voting for this Mikalah Gordon Chick????

She sucks!

Her singing voice is terrible and her talking voice is like nails on a black board.

She is across between the Nannie and Barbara Streisand.

Send her HOME! PUHLEASE!

I feel like crap

I'm sick AGAIN!. I had the flu in January and now I have a cold again, complete with coughing and hacking, cuz that's pretty. Not to mention yesterday I had to go back for the second part of my root canal. FUN.
Anyway, my dentist is a comedian, Dr. Matani. He has an assistant her name is Adrianna, he called her name like fifty eleven times. He has two daughter, and apparently one of them had met him for lunch yesterday (he was 15 minutes late getting to me and my mouth) Anywho while I sat there with my mouth wide open, he and Adrianna talked about his daughters. He has pictures of them in his office and I would have to say the youngest one has to at least be in college. Adrianna wanted to know if she was dating and he EMPHATICALLY said NO! She isn't dating, but he admitted that if she was she probably wouldn't tell him anyway, but she still better not be. As for his oldest daughter...she can't date either. LOL. it was funny.
Dr. Matani is a cool relaxed type of man, Adrianna had the radio up jamming along with some tunes and for a man his age, he knew quite a few of the songs. My mom and dad would be lost if I turned on the radio, if it aint old they don't know it. The good ole doctor knew Alicia Keys' Karma song....well he pronounced her name A.Lee.Cee..A. and he didn't know the words as much as he knew the melody but still, I was impressed. Adrianna went on to say "Your daughters must have so much fun with you when you guys go out". And true to form, Dr. Matani says "No actually they are embarrassed by me. They usually walk away from me and act like they don't know me." I believe it. He has a tendency of just blurting out songs, I mean just random songs. He doesn't know the words and it may not even be the song on the radio, he just belts it out. lol. He does it when he is working too, I was privy to that lil piece of info just from the times I have been in to see him. All in all though, he is a good dentist. Good dude.

After the dentist I went straight home, took a cab from the trainstation and after cussing the cab driver out (long story) I walked in the 100 feet to my house because I didn't want him to know where I lived after the harsh words I showered on him. He was an ass. He really pissed me off that one. Anywho, at 4 pm. I got ready for bed. Yeah you heard me. 4 Pm. I showered, brushed my teeth, wrapped up my hair and was knocked out. But of course I was awake again by about 7:30 cuz I didn't take any drugs. I watched American Idol. YAY Nikki, YAY Vonzell. I voted for those two like twice apiece, but lo and behold his morning they are saying the votes don't count and they are redoing the show tonight. BOO. Ahh well.
Needless to say this morning, I feel like poop on stick. My mouth isnt as sore as the doctor said it would be, but I am sick. I was the first person out of the train and the last person up the stairs. Slower than MOLASSES. LOL. Well I'm gonna try and make it through today, drink lots of tea and water and drug up tonight.

Toodles

Well Sunday was a good day for me--productive. I got up about 8am and got my prayer in while I lay huddled under my heavy down comforter. My family usually has "worship" together on sunday mornings, primarily becuase it's the only day when we can all get together and do it, but lately it just seems there are a million things going on at the same time and we can't seem to get it together. So sometimes when I get up in the morning I try to have a lil convo with Him.
I prayed for my family, my brother and his drama, this boy at my church Andy (not the actual name), my sister, L (my bf), and for the little babies in the feed the children program that I was watching. I don't know bout anybody else but when I see those little babies starving and skinny with their enlargened bellies, it makes me cry. God did not intend for this world to be like that.
So after my prayer, I decided that it was time to get back into my workout schedule, so I got up and got ready to go the gym. I had me a good little workout and then on the way home decided to make a detour to the bookstore. I ended up spending $125 on books, I got slightly carried away. BUT I got the Barnes and Nobles bookcard so if anyone wants to use my discount just ask, I'm gonna pimp that card till they are wary of giving it to me next year. But seriously if you want a 10% discount just ask me!
So Yeah, I went to the bookstore funky straight from the gym, ask me if I care....cuz I don't. Shoot I couldn't have been that bad, the security guard was trying to HOLLA....perhaps it was my red cheeks? Cuz a sista was FLUSHED!.. lol. So I went home took a shower and hopped in the car to take a book to my friend in BK. I want her to come to my bookclub meeting so I got an additional book for her at the library, so I was just about to bring it there and then come back to go the hairdresser and the supermarket. Now Mapquest.com said the trip should take about 23 minutes. LIES!
It took me about 50 minutes and then there was another set of circumstances that I won't get into that prolonged that another 40 minutes, which I won't get into (read parade and blocked streets). Anywho, we sat in her apartment catching up and chatting away and then we walked about 12 blocks to the GAP. I love the Gap. Then 12 blocks back to my car. I was tired -- I considered that workout part deaux.
On the way home traffic on the Belt was out of control...not that I expected any less but it did seem like I got home alot sooner than it took to get out there. I went to the supermarket, did my grocery shopping on a totally empty stomach, which resulted in spending money that I could have avoided. I was only going to pick up things to make a salad, juice and milk...I ended up getting that and much more. lol. Then I went to Walgreens to get toilet paper for my parents---and I never buy one of anything so the people store where looking at me kinda cock-eyed. lol.
I finally got home and put the groceries away...actually only the things that needed to be refrigerated and left everything else on the table. I couldn't be bothered...
Note to self--put the rest away tonight.
Not that it matters I ate like 6 Malomars and some cheese puffs...What happened to the workout and eating healthy? I dunno. Anywho I fell asleep because everything I watch was a repeat and I couldn't deal with Dectective Goran on Law and Order and his all knowing ass. Only I got up again at 1 in the morning and after wandering around the room and using the bathroom, I decided to call L and wake him up. He was none too happy but I was bored and I wanted to flap my yap. After I heard him starting to dim on me, I said bye and proceeded to lay awake in bed staring at the ceiling and then a series of tosses and turns before I finally drifted off to sleep. So now I'm awake....but how I wish I was in bed right now. A sista is tired for real! But I promised myself I would go to the gym...to get in at least 3 days so I gotta go! Right? Hmm.
It's lunch time now so I am waiting on my salad to get here "ahem" yeah bitches you heard right. A salad. Of course it has a whole bunch of embellishments on it but hey what you expect.
I have rambled enough. I'm hungry

TATA

I had a nice talk with my brother tonight, he can be so helpful, but Revvy it doesn't help that when we speak I always end up in some dribbling crying mess. Not a good look. lol
So Sunday is the start of my week and I'm just gonna keep on moving.

I keep on moving forward, pressing onward, striving further
I keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving
I keep on dreaming, keep on achieving, keep on believing
I Keep smiling when I come through
And I cry when I need to

My mom got me a dvd player 2 christmas' ago and I never used it. Could never figure it out, But thats another story on its own.

So one night I decided I wanted to be sexy and burn candles and I happened to place a candle too close to the dvd player and Voile!

It was too funny of me not to share it, so there you have it folks.
Fire is not always your friend.

I was reading an article the other day that said the average woman carries about $1000 worth of "stuff" in their bags. So I took inventory in my bag and 'lo and behold they weren't too far off.

Bag=$80
I-Pod=$300
Cell Phone=$400
Make-up=$100 (I'm a MAC Girl)
Sunglasses=$125
------------------------

This is the basic crap I tote around with me.
But damn! I'm a walking billboard that says rob me please.
And I'm broke as hell.

So what do you have in your bags?

Today is a really emotional day for me.
I have been going through some things with someone who I used to be really close to growing up. We grew apart and now I'm trying to reconnect with her and she is giving me the ultimate bitch treatment. I partially deserve it. But a part of me is like damn when did she become like this? But I think I would have been pissed for a few days and then give her some shit but then because of what I THOUGHT we shared I would have eventually caved. But no dice. I guess I was expecting too much.
So needless to say the whole thing is just bringing old feelings and old emotions to the surface. Feelings that were too ugly to go through then, much less to be enduring them now. I feel like shit because I was such a terrible friend to her, but I can't go back and change that. I can only move forward but of course she won't do that.
She wants to rehash.
I can't rehash. That's shit I'm trying to leave behind.
She wants to go through the old "you did this to me" and "you should have done this" or "or you could have said this", I'm like ok...hindsight is 20/20, coulda, shoulda, woulda, but I can't. UGH. Am I expecting too much? Maybe I am. Perhaps I should just walk away....
I think I will write her a letter, spend the whole weekend doing it...mail it off and if that doesn't get the whole thing resolved then I will move on.

Happy Birthday to all the people I know born on the Ides of March

And that is quite a few actually!

Happy Birthday to YOU!

So I am all about E-bay these days. Why not its cheaper and I can just shop in my house. The pnly bad thing is that sometimes people mis-respresent their items. I got two pairs of boots from this ebayer. The shoes are cute no doubt. One is a camel colored pair of wedged boots with a tan stitching up the middle, but on one of the shoes there was a slight hole in the leather. After I kinda peeled away at it a little bit of the leather flapped away. It left a slight discoloration but you can barely see it. The other pair are just camel colored, with a regualar heel. You know it's heely but you can stand in it a long time. At least I could IF the damn thing fit. It's sized funny...it's too tight across the top of my foot.
So as you may know you have to leave a message regarding the buyers performance and how you felt about his service. So I was honest. I said one pair was cute but had a slight crack in the leather and so I was neutral in my rating. The other one I gave him a negative rating because I felt the shoes were sized funny.
Do you know this bastard had the nerve to give me the same reviews in my buyer profile. Mainly he put neutral - saying a. cracks in the leather are normal and the shoes were perfect - to which I responded..Perfect means no cracks dummy. what the hell are you saying? b. he said that I gave him a negative feedback for no reason- the shoes are perfectly sized and I should have my feet checked. Ok so why is he leaving me a negative feedback? I gave this bastard his money right up front. I didn't even haggle him or email him for a refund or anything for the funky ass shoes he sent me. So what the hell was his issue? Are these reviews that big of a freaking deal? I paid you homie...and I was under the impression I could be honest about my responses. Can any fellow ebayers help me? Was this incorrect Ebay etiquette? Advice for the future?
Well as for this guy I sent him a *nice* little email.

Wow I'm a student again and somethings never change. I am still a procrastinator to the bitter end. I went to the library today to get some books to do my research paper and realized I am rusty as hell when it comes to doing research. Not to mention actually constructing a formatted paper that reads and flows well doesn't even exist in my thought process anymore. I have to actually sit down and draw a map of how each section of my paper will read. I have to go back to the library to get some more books. I'm just all over the place.I'm so glad I took this class because I am rusty as hell, I can feel my mind lurching forward in action from the years of slumber and rest. I need the warm up--I gotta shake off the rust.

I had a pretty long day today. I had to work at Vision Expo East at the Jacob Javits Center. This happens once a year so it isn't much of a big deal, its can actually be fun. I get to meet the people I spend most of the year talking to on the phone and I get some free ish. LOL. And you know me, my favorite word is FREE. Needless to say I left there about 5pm and headed straight home.

I started reading this book called "Angels & Demons" by Dan Brown. He wrote the Davinci Code that everyone is hollering about, this book is the prequel to the Davinci Code, and it is beyond a good read. I feel like a crack head on the train. I mean I am ALL in the book, my nose was damn near touching the pages and I can't wait to turn the page. I'm Hooked!

I get home...take off my suit...take a shower....eat dinner...play with Don and start getting ready for bed. I settle in trying to watch the new epiosode of Law and Order because Desperate Housewives wasn't on, and before I know it L&O is watching me. Which seems to the case lately. I can't stay up. I am asleep earlier and earlier these days. I mean I was tired and all but still, even if I didnt work I find it hard to just be up all hours of the night and then I'm up at the crack of dawn. What is up with that?

Right now I am exhausted, I keep yawning, I want to just take a long nap wrapped up in my blanket and just snooze. Ugh this can't be what my life will be like. The truth is I really do enjoy sleeping ALOT. I normally spend all day sunday in bed. I watch movies, I eat, I sleep, watch some more tv and sleep some more. I do some errands and then I'm back in the bed again. Truth be told I guess I'm lucky to be able to do that. I don't have any kids, no one to take care of but myself so I can get away with that for now. So I guess I should just take advantage while I still can. lol

Candle-Light is the best kind of light.

Well I went to go get my root canal done and apparantly, its not just a one shot deal. It's multiple parts. I am ok today even tho I was getting a little nervous becuase he injected me with the anesthia and my heart started to beat all fast and my hands started to shake. But then after awhile it wore off. That needle is huge! I always have to close my eyes and think of cotton candy and puppies to transport me to another place. I dont want to see that thing. After I left and went to the Gap to get me something to make me feel better. lol. So that was like a little treat to myself. Anywho, I'm home and my mouth is a little sore but it's not bad. I got him to prescribe me some Acetamenophin (sp) with Codiene in it, which should knock me out if the pain gets too bad. The bad news is I have to go back like 3 or 4 more times to get this whole process completed. YAY! NOT! I go in 2 weeks so pray for a sistah!

I thought I would be ok, but I'm *SOOOO* not. I'm having a root canal today and all of a sudden this wave of nervousness just hit me HARD. My stomach is hurting me, my hands are sweaty and weak and I want to call and cancel. This SUCKS! Why does this always happen to me. I take care of my teeth and my mouth; teeth are so important to me. I hate ugly teeth and jacked up mouths so WHY!

I'm about ready to tell the doc to pull all my teeth and just give me a good set of dentures. So I can take em out and set 'em on the nightstand at night like my great-grandmother used to do and when I wake up in the morning I can pop em back in and call it a damn day.

Then I just killed my diet. I'm an emotional eater so I just stuffed myself again with cheeseburger and fries. Yea thats real nutritious. UGH. Im disgusted right now.

I hope everything goes well and I hope its painless and I can walk out of there and go buy myself a treat...like a cute shirt to congratulate myself. lol

Yeah I know I got issues....so what? Wish me Luck

So What? I was bored.....but I'm a logical charmer

You know…
We’ve been struggling for such a long time
Working here and there just to get by
It’s finally time for me to get mine
No more robbing Peter so we can pay Paul
Or going to mama’s house to make a phone call
No we don’t have to struggle at all
Cuz Now
Everyday is feeling like Friday
I’m getting paid and doing it my way
We’re finally on our way
Baby now its time to celebrate

Live it up, we can go crazy
Live it up, you and me baby
Live it up, Live it up, Live it up
We’re flying high don’t want to come down
We’ll mellow out all over town
Live it up, Live it up, Live it up

No more putting it in the lay –a-way
Cuz boo I got the money today
C’mon and go to the mall and let’s play
Let’s go raise a toast to the days ahead
You can’t take it with you when your dead
You might as well enjoy it now instead
Oh Now
Its about to be a long evening
We’ll party through the rest of the weekend
We’re finally on our way
Baby now its time to celebrate

Chorus repeat

Yes---I am gonna run the Jill Scott references into the ground. Sue me!

Anywho. I decided awhile ago that I didn't want to live my life like other people I know. Specifically.... I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck and then freak out if anything unexpected comes up, because I don't have the money to take care of it. I don't want to work to pay bills for the rest of my life. I mean I know there are monthly expenses and student loans *rolling my eyes* but aside from that I want to be able to enjoy what I work for. I want to be able to take vacations every year. I want to be able to see and enjoy the world around me. And I can't do that if I'm stressing about bills I can't pay and all that. I want to be able to buy and not to rent, to make an investment in my future. I just can't see killing myself everyday and not being able to enjoy life.

With that being said, two years ago I set my plan into motion. I started by pulling all of my credit reports and going through to make sure things were correct. Let's say there were some errors, some things got erased but I managed to F--K my credit up in college. So much to the point that I didn't have a credit card at all to my name. All I had was my bank credit with a mastercard logo. In college, I was more concerned with paying my tuition than paying my bills, me and my girls were in deed starving college students. lol. So at the end of the day I was screwed and basically had to rebuild my credit from gorund zero. I'm sure it could have been worse but the work was alot harder than I thought but I finally got through it. Ladies and Gents I'm glad to announce that come April, I will be debt free....well aside from my student loans which I will be paying till eternity....and A sista is happy and excited and free! I can't tell you how good it feels. I started my savings which is well on its way, I applied for 3 new credit cards and got them, so thus begins my journey to healthy credit.

AHHH.

Now if I can get my friends to do the same. Ladies, you know I love ya'll but ya'll need to get your ish together. I don't want to be traveling by myself but at this rate I'm gonna have to. Everytime I set up plans to go somewhere I hear Yea that sounds great! But when it's time to front the cash, ya'll heiffers start mumbling. UGH. But BEST believe I will travel without ya'll and I will remember to take lots of pictures :-P

Our neighbor once told me I shouldn't wait for Father's day or Mother's day to do special things for my parents, or to tell them how much them I love them.

A few weeks after he told me that, he had a heart attack and died.

His funeral was beautiful, so many people came to say goodbye to him and to celebrate his legacy and his life.

It made me think.....

I have seen so many people lose their parents when they least expect. They are wracked with guilt because they took the time. I know our time on this earth is not promise and definately not sure. I also know my parents aren't getting any younger. And for all the grief my siblings and I give them, I have seen and learned that I have the best parents in the world. I can't even imagine what my life would be like without them. I have though been spending more time with them, doing things with them, yesterday I made them breakfast. It's wierd they are my parents but alot of times we sit in the kitchen and we crack jokes, I will go up and lay in the bed between them and watch tv.....I know it won't last forever but my memories will.

The other thing I think....is when I die...what will my legacy be. Do you ever think about that? What do you think people will say about you?

I am grateful for alot of things. Mostly the little things.
I am
happy to be a woman.
happy to be black and proud
happy to be a part of the family that I am in
happy to have the friends that I have
happy to be alive
happy to be in love.
I am blessed, lucky and just grateful for the little things.

Sometimes tho things seem worse than they really are and you cant see the forest for the trees, but there are things that we can be happy for if we really think about it. My family and friends are nutso sometimes, but I still love their crazy behinds. Don't know what I would do with them.

For today I'm Just happy.

I had such a wonderful time at the concert. Jill Scott never fails to deliver an amazing show, got u laughing and just throwing your hands up like yeah sista, I felt that. It's amazing how we have all been through the similar things, especially when it comes to being in love and being hurt.
Jill came out in this fabulous white tunic with like some kinda sparkly stuff on it that was dancing all night while the light reflected on the material. Big Hair...curly looking afro. Makeup flawless and as usual her spirit was just shining through. Nothing is more beautiful that a pure spirit.

So lately, I have been unable to sleep through the night. This seems to happen alot these days. I get up around 3 in the morning, and its hell to get back to sleep. It's normally one of a few cases, I wake up screaming or deeply distrubed from some crazy dream I am having, I just get up, or I have to go the bathroom and then I can't go back to sleep.
I am deathly afraid of rats, a few nights ago I woke up clutching at my comforter because I thought rats were scaling my comforter in droves and attacking me. The dream was so vivid, they were all in my head, biting at me and there were thousands of them. It took me a minute but I finally got back to sleep. Sometimes, I get up because I have too much nervous energy and then I'm up at crazy hours sorting laundry, watching movies, or eating which DOES not work in my favor. I think todays insomnia is induced by sheer excitement. I got my new cell activated and then I am going to see the Jill Scott concert, so I maybe its a combination. I am on http://3gupload.com and I am having a field day, downloading ringtones and crap all for the low yearly cost of $10.99. I can download as much music I want unlimited....YAY
Les -- Encore by Jay Z
Ro---No More Scrubs by Tlc
L---Big Poppa by Biggy and Lovers and Friends by URSHER, John and Luda
My mom ---Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton
My Dad---Dance with my father by Lutha
My sister - This is how we do - the game and 50
Yve---Toxic by Britney Spears (ya'll should see the crazy dance she does when this song comes on)
ok...the list will go on and on and on so I'mma stop now, but you get my drift....unlimited downloads....YEAH! OK! Whats UP!

OMG…
How quickly a day can go down the crapper. I went to the dentist during lunch because of that toothache problem. And now I have to get a freaking root canal. I’m so annoyed, so much so that I blew my diet and chowed down on a cheeseburger and fries and a 20 oz cherry coke. Well there went the diet for today.
UGH

I'm Jamaican you know....and I have NEVER smoked cheeba in my life.

(weed,marijuana, mary jane...u know what i'm talking about)

I swear!

But today I am on a high. I'm feeling so good. For starters I FINALLY got a new phone and its hot. I'm in love. Its the Samsung MM-a700 from Sprint. Go check it out...maybe I will add the picture later. Anywho..I slept with it last night. Does anyone else do that? When I get something new that I've been stalking for forever, I usually put it in the bed with me. Please say I'm not alone. :-)
I got my eyebrows done too yesterday, it's been like a month and a half. I NEVER go that long without doing my eyebrows. I'm not quite sure what has happened to me of late, but I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like lil caterpillars were growing on my face. I've started to get them threaded which I love because it lasts longer and its much cleaner and more precise. The lady did her thing. I'm feeling like a supastar!
I missed ANTM (America's Next Top Model) last night and I'm not happy about that but it was a tradeoff for my phone. I will watch it next week.
Yay! I got a new phone!. lol as you can see it don't take much. lol

Oh yeah and my high continues....tomorrow I will be going to see JILL SCOTT live in concert at Radio City. I'm sooooo excited. I love me some Jilly. I can't wait. I went to see her for the first time during her buzz tour this past summer. And I thought she was nice on CD...but to see her in person is a true and definite experience. She blew me away. I love her spirit and her vibe.

I will definitely Fill ya'll in on the happenings.

For now....I'm gonna ride my high

A lot of you may be lovin' John Legends new cd right about now...as well you should. The Source dubbed it an Instant Classic....and I'm gonna have to agree with them. The song Ordinary People is playing on heavy rotation these days, but I'm going to share with you probably one of the sweetest songs on the album, and I will take the liberty of writing the lyrics..

If you haven't gotten it yet....get it homie.

Stay With You by John Legend

We’ve been together for a while now
We’re growing stronger everyday now
It feels so good and there is no doubt
I will stay with you
As each morning brings the sunrise
And the flowers bloom in springtime
On my loving you can rely
And I’ll stay with you

Chorus:
Oh I will stay with you
Through the ups and the downs
I will stay with you
When no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
And I know we’ll be alright.I will stay with you

Though relationships can get old
They have the tendency to grow cold
We have something like a miracle
And I’ll stay with you

(Chorus)

And there’ll be heartaches and pain (yes it will)
But through it all we will remain
In this life, we all know
Friends may come and they may go
But through the years I know I will stay

And in the end I know that we’ll find
Love so beautiful and divine
And we’ll be lovers for a lifetime
And I’ll stay with you

(Chorus)

Everything will be fine
And I’ll stay with youThrough the end of all time
I will stay with you

Are you able to tell what your own flaws are?

Is it easier to see the flaws in other people more so than it is to see your own?

How do you react when people point out your flaws? Do you make a move to change them or do you cuss them out and send them on their way?

What do you think your major flaws at?

That my day sucked……

Well it snowed, and our job said that they would let us know if the office was closed or not (I knew this wasn’t going to happen) so I call and call and call and the number is busy, so I haul my behind out of bed and get ready. Call my mom and she is STILL in bed, she doesn’t know if she is gonna go to work. SO of course I’m like get your behind out the bed and get ready. So she does and we’re off…….

I got some road rage…yes I admit it. But that’s because people are MORONS. I swear I can se the bumper sticker that says “Run Me Off The Road! Because I don’t deserve to drive”. But that’s neither here nor there. The streets weren’t bad but they weren’t good either so that required some careful and slow driving.

So explain why we almost got CREAMED by a plow truck. Apparently they are GOD when it snows so they don’t obey ANY of the traffic signs and this genius BLEW right by the stop sign and nearly ran right into us. Lucky us we JUST avoided him.

Sidebar: Did I mention that my mom has decided that there is no listening to the radio while we commute to work or home anymore. So we are listening to the BIBLE on tape. Now aside from these people’s dramatized voices, it isn’t that bad at all. It’s actually kinda funny in a way. Although I do find myself blacking out at times and I have to force myself to focus.

Then I get to work late as all hell, we have a deadline and we are no where close to meeting it. I spent the entire day changing and entering things and still nowhere near finishing. Needless to say, we MISSED our deadline. By 4 pm I decided to eat because I was getting the shakes. I just ordered and when it came I ate and worked. My coworkers had planned a Karaoke outing and I wanted to go but my 5pm, I was agitated and completely annoyed and I decided I wasn’t gonna go. So instead I called my mom and told her that I wanted to go to TJ Maxx because shopping always does a girl good. Go all the way out there and got nothing but a pair of shoes and sunglasses and I got my mom a suit. (I owed her a gift from her last b-day---another long story). Don’t you hate it when you think the shopping will make you feel better and nothing fits right so you end up feeling worse?

It’s probably a good thing that I didn’t go to the Karaoke thing because my tooth started bothering me, by the time I got home I was in full blown pain. I did everything to try and alleviate it even dousing my whole damn mouth in Anbesol. Nothing worked and I ended up rocking myself all night until I FINALLY fell asleep sometime around 1 or 2 in the morning. This morning though my mouth isn’t in pain but I’m going to call to make an appointment because I don’t know what that was about. Oh the joys of heaving health and dental insurance.


But the one good thing that came out of that was I got a fabulous pair of shoes and sunglasses AND I FINALLY got the yarn I need to crochet my bag. Look out world Cuz I here I come!
Anywho…lets see how today goes.