Slow Metamorphosis

This weekend was another one that flew by. Saturday, my cousin and I went out to LI to go to Ikea. I got the cutest red dresser and some textiles (sheets and quilt cover) for my bed. I stayed up late to put the dresser up but I finally finished about 2 and its looking good. Sunday morning, my cousin and I went to the gym where I had the BOMB workout and then we came back to my house to get ready for the bookclub meeting. We met up at a restaurant called Cafecito in manhattan. Its a Cuban restaurant. The food was pretty much caribbean in nature, plantains, rice with some kind of legumes and chicken and or seafood. Don't get me wrong though the food was good. The decor was nice and trendy. They had fab banana leaf ceiling fans and yes they were spinning in the dead of winter. The only "bad" thing and it can be considered good was that the place was really small. It was close up in there, but nevertheless, the people who came had a good time, lots to talk about with "The Kno.wn Wor.ld" but all in all it was good. Afterward S wanted to go to Whole Foods - so we all rolled over there and then headed back to queens. No work today. Stayed home all day and vegetated. Back to the real world tomorrow.

Today is a good day – no scratch that a great day. My mailing is done. I am in the process of finalizing the hiring of some freelance people; I’m letting everyone go home early today because hell we deserve it. And last but not least, this morning I woke up and paid off a large chunk of my bills, full balances. So now, I have 2 more things to pay off and a sister is debt free (well aside from my student loan which I pay back and consider a monthly bill) YAY! I am too happy. Tooo tooo too happy. After I paid them off, I banded the cards up and tucked them deep into my underwear drawer and that is where they will stay. I have calculated that by mid April the other 2 bills will be paid off and then I will be able to put one whole paycheck into savings and keep the other to pay monthly expenditures and live off of. *sigh*

There is such a weight that comes with bills each month, especially when all your paychecks are paying bills and you can’t even put a penny into savings. Granted I was paying them off but with finance charges and unexpected things coming up, sometimes it feels like your stuck on a wheel, always spinning but never going anywhere. I’m done with all that. DONE DONE DONE. Anything I need, I will buy with my debit card and if I can’t do it then it won’t get bought. Case closed. End of story.

On a sad note – my ipod has kicked the bucket. It won’t turn on and when it does I get a folder with an exclamation point and the techie guy at my job tells me that it’s because the files are corrupted or my hard drive is dead or something to that effect. I need my ipod for the gym and for the commute….ugh! why now! Especially since that whole spiel about not buying anything unless I have the money. I’m going to get another one…I already know that but it will have to wait a few weeks – probably the black one….cuz I like the way it looks but nevertheless it will have to wait cuz my main focus if just paying everything off. Then I can think about that. Anyway I’m off. Got to get cracking – early day today so I gotta keep moving.

Look what my sister sent me:



Hezekiah Comes Out The Closet



Hezekiah Walker, a minister of the Pentecostal faith and one of the most renowned Black ministers in America, has left his cloth in dramatic fashion. Due to a controversial life of secret homosexuality, Walker has come out of the closet during an extremely bitter divorce from his longtime wife Monique Walker.
According to affiliates close to the family, Monique had long feared there was another side to her husbands sexuality and suspected that her thoughts were confirmed when her husband infected her with a sexually transmitted disease. After confronting Hezekiah about the disease, he fessed up and admitted to carrying on an affair with a man who lives as a transvestite. Sources also said that Walker forced his wife and children from their home so that he could live together with his gay lover.
Walker’s Down-Low lifestyle even more unbelievable because he is one of the biggest Pastors that is totally against gay life. The Grammy Winning Pastor is expected to step down from his post officially next month.

I’m back from Rochester. My flight was delayed but I finally got in about 12:15 am…about an hour later than scheduled. When I got off the flight my L was waiting for me, and was waiting for me to get my bags before he pulled around to scoop me up. Okay he has a fascination with the Trey Songz song – I don’t wanna leave/ but I gotta go right now/ I’ll be back before you know it. Yeah so why I step out the airport into the cold and I don’t see the car but I hear the song BLASTING. I’m like Lord please don’t let it be this man…and sure enough he pulls up and it’s him. All loud and got the nerve to be smiling. The police officer that was directing traffic didn’t even tell him to turn it down, she just proceeds to bop her head and say “That’s the jam right there”. HAHAHA L is a fool. But he is so darned funny to me. He took me home and we stayed up to watch Flavor of Love – and had a good ole belly laugh cuz are these women seriously duking it out for Flava Flav. YUCK! I wanna vomit. But the episode coming up this week has Ne.w Yor.k shoving Pum.pkin – for those who watch the show, and I HAVE to see that one. NY is unstable I’m telling you. Anywho, I have pictures to post of the shower and all – those will be coming shortly.

Before I go - I’m just going to have to testify about how good, great FABULOUS God can really be. This week he worked a miracle and I am still in awe and shock over it. I was talking to a friend of mine about a family member and her issues with money. I was telling him that she is really caught between a rock and a hard place and she needs money to really set her straight. He asked him how much and I told him I really wasn’t at liberty to divulge how much but that it was a lot. She isn’t answering her phone and when she does, you can hear the straight up depression in her voice. He was coming to my house that day to pick something up from me and when he did he handed me an envelope. He told me he was moved to give her some money to help her however it could. But that I was NOT to tell her where the money came from AT ALL, he doesn’t want her to know it’s from him. The only thing I am allowed to tell her is that it’s a gift from God and that she is just to accept the blessing. I’m telling you I started to cry and all I could do was give him a hug, I told him he had to go otherwise I was gonna get emotional and he aint need to see all that. I don’t know much money it was but does it really matter? Just to see that done….is like WHOA. God is better than good.

I took off Friday from work because Thursday night I flew to Rochester for Yve’s baby shower. I’m still here and it’s early in the morning so I decided to write a little bit before it was time to go. This week I realized that it is not quantity but quality. You can get tons of something but if its sub par or lacking then does it really matter? I think I would take quality of quantity any day, but hey, that’s just my humble opinion. Another thing is I can't live without my
Burt's Bees. But I will get into another day.

When I got off the plan and met up with Yve…I said damn girl your stomach is huge, but it’s the side effect of pregnancy. She hasn’t gained weight her stomach is just big and naturally so, but of course you can’t tell a pregnant person that cuz they just don’t see it that way. We have been doing lots of shopping – sale stuff…bras for 2.95, some shoes for $10 and some jeans from the gap for $10…I love it! And we got her the cutest pregnant lady outfit for the shower, and of course baby stuff and more baby stuff. Her church members are great and the room that is storing the baby stuff is already overflowing but then this shower tonight, which is for family, and then the shower in March for the co-workers, yeah she will be set. It does in fact take a village. It is freezing here – last night we went to go pick up a movie and it was FRIGID! I can’t even begin to describe how cold it was, but really what was I expecting? It’s Rochester for God’s sake – windy and cold. All this baby stuff around me is making me feel like AHH, EHHH, OOOO…MMMM. But that passes. I need to do some things first.

Tonight after the shower, my flight leaves late so I will be back in NY…with my lover. I missed him the second I got on the AirTrain to JFK (which by the way is kinda nice). But as usual we talked and of course you know he makes me feel so good when he tells me he misses me and can’t wait for me to get back, but then he adds the naughty stuff that makes my stomach jump and I’m like damn I NEED to get home SOON. :-) I’m off.

Pictures to post later.

I thought about not posting this at the risk of giving away all my business but I said what the heck. Yesterday was and today is proving to be interesting. It was Valentines so I gave my coworkers the Hello Kitty Valentines bags I made for them and everyone was surprised and happy, so that made me happy. I really didn’t think I was having much of a Valentines day other than making love on the phone to L since he not only had class BUT his car was on the skids. I resigned myself to washing clothes and packing for my trip, until my baby called to say that he was coming. Apparently class must have let out early and the car got fixed so maybe the love gods were on my side. Anywho, laundry all folded and smelling good (love the scent of fresh laundry) and I took a nice hot shower and proceeded to rub myself down with some Burts Bees Vitamin E Body & Bath Oil which is sooo sooo good. LOVE IT! My baby came over with roses in tote and we spent the night together doing what we do best... talking laughing and er um…yeah other stuff. And sometimes out of the surge of pure emotion…I tend to get a little weepy as I did last night, because my baby is so good to me and I just be wantin to…yeah you get the picture. Then to top it off the people who are closest to me who I love dearly, called, emailed, and text messaged me to wish me happy v day and all was well with the world.

I am interviewing people for 2 freelance positions at my company – they would be working under me and there were a good number of people who sent their resumes in and my boss hands me the stack and basically told me to git to hiring. So this weekend I went through and picked the ones I thought would work best for us and called and I’m telling you some people need resume and phone etiquette training.

Ok for example, who sends in a resume with the return email address of nyc555stud? Who does that? One lady put her cell phone number which was DISCONNECTED! And when I called her house phone (which I don’t know why I even did) I was greeted with LOUD static. She yells into the phone “Imma call you back”. I never heard from her and I said good riddance. Until a fellow coworker told me she had in face called and got transferred to her since she didn’t know who she was calling for and she told me outright, “You don’t want her” and I believe her. One girl called yesterday to say she was going to be 15 minutes late – she finally came into the office 37 minutes later – and yes I was checking. This morning I had a really good interview and I had another interview scheduled for this afternoon but after calling to push it back an hour do you know homeboy never even showed up or called. I don’t know people….. is it something in the air. I have the majority of the interviews tomorrow and my decision will have to be made at the close of business tomorrow so these people better come with it.

My book is off to print – indexes and all and I’m happy even though I have been in meetings for the better part of the morning that have only managed to give me more to do. I will be working these freelancers to the bone. Ok I have another meeting to go to and I’m off.

To one and all!

Who do you Love? Are you for sure?

I have often said in the past and I will say it again that love is not the start when everything is hunky dory but it's what occurs when shit happens and you make it through to the other side. There will be fights and disagreements and even times when you want to STRANGLE the one you love but it's the ability to love someone despite their faults and to see the person that you fell in love with in the first place. Its not just about today but the rest of the year and the days that come before and after today.

I love my mommy and my daddy, my sisters Kim and Roch, My brothers Denzil and Ravon, my dogs, my old dear granny, my friends who love me despite my flaws, my grandpa who is no longer here but who was my first true love.

and last but certainly not least. L - I lub you

Let it snow, let it snow.
Went to church yesterday and as always they gave me such love, you would think they hadnt seen me in decades, especially since I was there last week. I saw D - my best friend who I grew up with, her sister L and her cousin A and we all sat in church together and got a great blessing from the pastors "baby sister" who preached. I worked this week in the treasury office and helped get all the financial papers together for those eager to file their taxes, myself included. Afterwards, I took some of the tax papers for people I knew didnt get it and dropped it off at their house. The snow was falling at that point but not that badly. I talked my dad into driving so we could all go get our taxes done. Im getting a few g's back...YAY which will swiftly go to pay off all my bills and start my saving to buy the house I want. During the night though NY got clobbered with snow its still going. Had to cancel the bookclub meeting and reschedule for 2 weeks from now which was fine with me. My dad made breakfast for us as usual and after beakfast my sister and I went upstairs to watch her bootleg copy of Derailed. Good movie. it was kinda predictable but not. lol. I played outside with the dog and then we got the yorkie dressed and took him out where he disappeared into the snow. lol adorable. I made some Valentines baggies for my coworkers, they are Hello Kitty bags and I just tossed some chocolate and candy in there for my staff as well as other people in the company that I actually like. I took some pictures that I want to share.

I'm so late with this post this was from Friday...might as well post it since I wrote it:

Last night I finally got to see the end of “Gr.ey’s Anat.omy” – they did an encore presentation because the episode was supposedly so highly rated. Basically there was an unexploded bomb in a body cavity of a patient and the EMT stuck her hand in there thinking she would be stopping the bleeding. Then she freaked out when she found out it was a bomb and at the end she fled the room and another doctor stuck her hand in and is now holding the bomb…whew. I like this show, but Mer.edith (the doctor who stuck her hand in the body at the end) can be soooo damn…..UGH sometimes. She always has that wide eye look that drives me nuts. I think out of all the people on there, I like Cha.ndra Wil.son who plays Dr. Ba.iley and Sandra Oh who plays Chris.tine Ya.ng, they both have quit wits and sharp tongues…but behind all that they have good intentions and they handle their business…my kinda folks. Then right after the show finished. I fell asleep. Lol.

My book is out to the printer – FINALLY! And I think my whole department is cracking under the pressure of this last book. I can feel the tension and hear the sighs and see the general exhaustion. I think next week I’m going to suggest a happy hour for all of us. Lord knows we need it and this year again I think I’m going to be doing the whole Valen.tines Day thing again with them, cards and chocolate. On Thursday, I’m flying up to Roche.ster for Yve’s baby shower, I cant believe the baby is coming so soon, she is almost 8 months and its like ahh my baby is growing up. Yve as a mother….cant wrap my mind around that one just yet. Needless to say she has the cutest little baby belly having only gained about 10 pounds during her pregnancy which is amazing to me. But I can’t wait to get up there and help with the room and whatever. Hopefully it won’t be 2 degrees up there.

I’m still reading “The Kno.wn Wor.ld. – it’s good. I don’t want to give too much of the plot away but it’s basically about a black slave owner and the book is sort of circular and interconnected because in someway shape or form, all the characters are linked up. At first it was hard for me to get into because it was jumping all over the place and I couldn’t quite get it but then I figured out what he was doing and the reading got a lot easier. Last night I went to the library because I wanted to find a non-fiction book that tells about black slave owners and alas I found some. Very very interesting to say the least.

Ok – I started this post this morning but its been so damn busy – I didn’t finish so I am posting it now.

This morning I was watching Good Morning America and I saw a preview of Dav.inci Co.de. I didn’t know that Tom Hanks was playing Tom Langdon and from what I saw so far he does a good job, he looked good. I can’t wait! That book was so great – even people who don’t like to read have read it and passed it along after I gave it to them. I’m going to drag my sister when it comes out and we will go see with probably with her boyfriend since he read it as well. Work is BEYOND hectic, issues with production and our studio and the deadline is today so all week I have had the headache from hell. I wake up with it and when I go to bed its there still. I can feel the tension in me. So I have been going to the gym to help loosen me up….its kinda working. On the good side - I lost another 2 pounds! YAY! I’m feeling a lot better and the water is helping a lot too.

This weekend is my book club meeting and we are reading “The Known World”….its good. I like it a lot. I mean its not the normal book written about slavery….its like another perspective and its interesting. I can’t wait to meet with all the people who responded and said they were coming out. It’s looking like a good turn out, although it’s not really over till the fat lady sings. . I have to work at church this weekend hopefully I will get my tax papers so I can finally go file my taxes. God’s Child….um yeah I have something for you but I might as well wait till I see you on Sunday cuz I am slacking in getting it to you. 

Today is just one of those days. I woke up and came to work feeling blah. I have some stuff to get out to the printer today so that’s my main focus. Today is Panhandler’s b-day so HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ya old crow! Lol. Jokes!
Today I am in pain…my whole back is killing me cuz of this exercise I did at the gym but it’s a good pain…I will take it. I was supposed to be going to see Vagina Monologues tonight with a friend but I had to cancel cuz um she said some shit to me this weekend I didn’t like. NOT ONE BIT. I hate when people try to bribe me into doing shit I don’t want to do but saying well X does it why cant you. Newsflash – I am NOT X and just for that. I’m not doing it. Ask X. Petty perhaps…but I don’t care. So as a result today my plans are centered on me. I’m going to the gym and them I’m heading home to get my stuff prepped for the Laundromat….got lots and lots of laundry to do…again.

It pours!

Last week I had some issues with my hoopty (Betsey is her name, she wouldnt start and I had to get a jump and L fixed her for me. Only 2 days later I had the same issue.I thought maybe I could park her and then call someone when I needed a jump BUT I had left my cell phone at home and so therefore was stuck. It was pouring buckets outside and I decided to go home. I had to call out. I was going to take my car into a garage to get fixed before it died again but after going back and forth with L he CONVINCED me that I could fix it myself. Well I got up under there and ended up fixing it myself....so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it wouldnt trip out on me again. After i can home home though I noticed my ceiling was leaking! So my dad called this guy to come check it out and of course he needed me to stay home and let him in. The day turned out to be a wreck -- it would have been less work had I went to work :-)

I went to get my hair braided this weekend by a woman that a fellow nappy told me about. She did micros and only charged me $45-WHICH is way less than I am used to paying. The braids are ok. The only thing I didnt like was that it took too long. I went saturday about 5:30 she started braiding by about 11:30 she was only half done- and then she was saying she wasnt feeling well, so I stayed by L and then in the morning helped him make some wings for his superbowl party and then went back to the lady to finish the hair. It came out ok...I dont know how long I will keep it in though..cuz i know me.

The superbowl is on and I am truly only watching to watch the halftime show and the commercials....football aint my cup of tea really. but the commercials are funny as all hell. lol

Fill my cup Lord
I lift it up Lord
Come and quench this thirsting in my soul
Bread of heaven fill me till I want no more
Fill my cup
Fill it up
And make me whole


I had a convo with a friend….I have a tendency to bite my tongue when I should say what I have to say and the later it comes out in the totally wrong way. I know you read this…. I wish someone would have told me too. I wish that I knew then what I know now. I wish things were different and I wish that I could make it different. But sometimes it’s hard to put aside what you feel to help others get over something when you’re drowning in your own feelings and emotions. I wish the world for you and the life you lead. I wish that you could look in the mirror and see what I see – that you’re a beautiful person who deserves more than the hand that’s been dealt to you. I wish that you knew that you could create your own destiny aside from all those things. You make me look at myself more deeply than I ever have and I think it’s because of you those thoughts came back, so for now I need to tend to that before I can even think of moving. I wish it didn’t hold me back but it does –