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What do you think?

Sunday, May 21, 2006


It was time for a new look. I have been wanting to update this thing for the longest but just never got around to it. So here is my new template. What do you think?

I've been gone for about a week now and I am still alive and still kicking. Thank you all to the people who emailed me and called and showed genuine concern. I am really ok. I was just going throught it at the time, I wanted to vent. I fought with coming back and changing my post because after I wrote it, I thought geez people are going to take this all wrong. But then I decided not to change it. This blog is supposed to be about me venting - putting what I want down and so I left the post up.

This week has been crazy. Our book finally went to print and it was late not really due to any fault of our own but it's hard to get a book out when your production department is missing a person and when that person is in, she is gone early. What can you do. I have been feeling really overwhlemed...with all the project being dumped in my departments lap and I think that my boss finally did see it so she is working with me. I was actually planning on talking to her about it but she got to me before I could get to her and then she told me that I needed a day off. Shucks You aint said nothing but a word! So Friday, I took the day off and I got so much done I was like YEAH! I got up took some pictures of a street that I got a ticket on. I had to prove there were no no parking signs on the street - such a waste of time but the judge who I saw threw it out because he knew the neighborhood where I got the ticket very well. I was like yes judge that's exactly where it is! I walked out of there like yea son! I went to the gym worked it out, sat in the sauna and sweated it out and then showered and dressed and went to get a manicure and pedicure. It wasnt crowded at all because it was pouring rain on and off which was great for me. Then I came home and cleaned up my room and saturday I vegetated. I handed in an application last week for a co-op as well, and I am also about to apply for an apartment in BK - probably sharing with my sister. We talked about it yesterday and she is all excited. I think it might work. I just had to tell her please understand and respect how I am and I will do the same for you. So whichever place comes through first I am out my parents house. With either one of these I can still save my money to purchase my home later so thats not totally out the picture just put on the burner for now. Needless to say I am feeling good. It's early sunday morning and I am about to get up and go to work, get some stuff done before my bookclub meeting at 3:45. We are going to see the Davinci Code as a group and possible stop for a bite to eat afterward. I can't wait to see the movie, I read the book and loved it so hopefully the movie lives up to my expectations.

I designed some shirts that I want to wear this summer that will deal with my hair - ya know. What do you think?






Front

and then the back says hair

Anyway I have blathered enough. I am out of here!

posted by Ananse's Web
8:42 AM

10 comments

You tried it your way - why not try God?

Saturday, May 13, 2006


I have been really struggling all week with whether or not I want to keep this blog up. I have gone a few times to shut it down but just didn’t have the heart. And then at work a coworker sent me an email telling me that she started reading my blog from the beginning and needless to say her kind words got me misty eyed. I keep thinking what my intention was when I started, I wanted to be honest and just have a place where I can put my thoughts down and vent. But now my anonymity is out the window as I have met a few bloggers in person and people who I know outside of the blog world read my blog, and when the anonymity went so did my ability to say what I really felt. I want to reclaim that. Take back my “saywhatIwantatude” I know that’s not a word but I made it up. So here it goes

I just got off the phone with my brother, I find that when I am stressing or when I am going through some things that he is my best sounding board. And as always when I talk to him I am a sobbing mess, and I never have to tell him what’s wrong because he always knows. I have some serious issues with Trust. Its like a 4 letter word – its dirty. Trusting anyone is the hardest thing in life for me. I don’t tell anyone anything that I feel because I don’t trust what they will do with the things I tell them. I have had people use what I tell them and try to throw it in my face, so to avoid that I tell them nothing other than surface shit. I can be going through hell emotionally – and no one knows. I don’t call a girlfriend and say let me tell you what’s wrong with me, it’s just not in me to do that anymore. In relationships, it’s the hardest thing for me to let go and love someone because I always feel like they are going to hurt me – whether it be by cheating or lying or just doing some stuff that will break my already fragile heart. And so without me having to say what the issue was my big bro dug into the heart of the matter and told me that I have to break down my walls or it will kill me. Who told him that I contemplated suicide? Who told him I picked up the knife and pressed it to my wrist or took up the bottle of pills and slept with them? The only thing that saved my life was the knowledge that committing murder is a sin and I will go to hell because of it and that’s a fate I can’t condemn myself to. He tells me that I have to break down my walls, that while I have this wall up to protect myself from people, the wall also doesn’t allow anyone in. When the hell did he get so damn smart?
The weight can be so heavy sometimes that I just want to put it down , so that I rest a little while– I want to let it go but I don’t know how to. And he says Nikki – you have tried it your way why don’t you try God?

posted by Ananse's Web
10:58 AM

7 comments

Around My Way

Friday, May 05, 2006


It's such beautiful day in the city - the weather is so nice and it is days like this when I am happy to be alive and happy to be here. And it's also days like this when I see the dispair about me - the sickness, the sadness, the pain and the suffering and it just makes my heart so heavy. With that being said, there are so many artists whose words cut to the heart like a knife and they DO NOT get the play like they should. I have this song on repeat today - so I wanted to share it.

Around My Way"
(feat. John Legend)

[Chorus]
Around my way...
Around my way...
All the corners filled with sorrow
All the streets are filled with pain
Around my way...

Around my way...
Around my way...
All the corners filled with sorrow
All the streets are filled with pain
Around my way...

[1st Verse]
People let me paint a picture
You know I ain't a christian
I ain't a muslim, ain't a jew
I'm losing my religion
I speak to god directly
I know my god respect me
Cause he let me breathe his air and he really blessed me
I ain't knocking you, but I don't fuck with hospitals
Spit the gospel, truly knowing jesus like apostles do
Return like the prodigal son to honor Mohammed too
Stay away from ham like Abraham, Lord'll follow you
Even when you took my man Chaka God and what I'm a do
You gave the hood a modern day martyr in Brother Amadou
I'm on the block, I'm tracing your footsteps, I keep the faith in you
Your love, plus hard work and ambition
We gonna make it through, my songs is psalms I'm spiritual when I'm lyrical
This is for my soldier niggaz looking in the mirror who
Sitting home scratching off serials eating cereal
The way we find a way to survive, shit is a miracle
We got mice in the crib and roaches in the toasters, rice in the fridge
Bread in the oven by the roaster
We be takin' gypsy cabs and chasin' 50 bags
They be laced with shitty swag and it really get me mad
The way we saluting flags, wrapping them around our heads
when niggaz ain't become American till 9/11
Feeling like you gotta sneak into heaven
When the reverend looking like a pimp and the pimp look like the reverend

[Chorus]
Around my way...
Around my way...
All the corners filled with sorrow
All the streets are filled with pain
Around my way...

These conditions make us strong
And we create our own businesses so later on
Our children have things in their name that they can say they own
A mix tape freestyle become your favorite song
No place like home when the cops ask you about your neighbors
Beat on you, threaten to incarcerate you
Till you spill your guts like you a Garcia Vega
We roll blunts not the papers
Cop the greatest take it coast to coast
L.A. to Chicago like Smooth Operators
Cop the Dro and cop the blacks
Cop the four, cock it back
Drop the flow, rock a hat on top a stocking cap
Be a doctor or a lawyer or make your momma a promise that
You'll finish school, but when you got a dream you gotta follow that
And make sure when you make it out the hood, you always holler back
Think about what you got from that
And always put your dollars back
On top of that, this is a legacy and we a part of that
The hood is where my heart is at
Catch me around my way

[Chorus]
Around my way...
Around my way...
All the corners filled with sorrow
All the streets are filled with hate
Around my way...

Around my way...
Around my way...
All the corners filled with sorrow
All the streets are filled with pain
Around my way...

posted by Ananse's Web
12:16 PM

3 comments

The Event I have been wating for

Thursday, May 04, 2006


Ave.da which is a store that I love had their annual earth day sale today. Their headquarters are in my building and every year they have an earth day sale and invite the whole building to attend, it was a pleasant surprise today seeing as though I have been waiting on the sale to stock up on some hair supplies that I was too cheap to by in the store


Sap Moss Conditioner $62-litre
Elixer Leave In Conditioner $9.00
Bixa $16
Sap Moss Shampoo $12
Sap Moss Styling Spray $16.50
Be Curly $17.50
Sap Moss Nourishing Concentrate $18
Brilliant Humectant Pomade $18

Bonus – They had a random Kiss my Face Whenever Shampoo – Grapefruit and Eucalyptus YUM!

I only paid $50 for everything.


Ok Now I have to go back again because my friend asked me to stop in and get some stuff for her too. But really though you just can’t beat those prices.

posted by Ananse's Web
12:39 PM

8 comments

Back to the Daily Grind

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


I am back at work today – sigh. Short break but I feel good today. Luckily, I got my ticket for Jamaica already and I am soooo ready to be on the beach relaxing soon; only 3 months to go and counting. L drove with me to the train station this morning because he is working on the train that I ride, so it was nice to see him off today. So proud of my baby – any who. I am bout to get down to work – nothing new and exciting here – gotta catch up on my blog reading I am so far behind.

posted by Ananse's Web
8:44 AM

3 comments